#morality is never as simple as we want it to be and neither is healing or choices or people in general really

[lucky-clover-gazette]

kings rising highlights & annotations

chapter 7

edit: there is much better analysis in this follow-up post, although it does build on the stuff i wrote here

indented text is from the book. some quotes have commentary, some do not. some comments are serious, and some are definitely not. most of them will only make sense to people who have read the series. and, like, there are spoilers. so please read the books first if you're interested!

also: part of the reason i'm doing such a close reading is to study cs pacat's style, especially in terms of how she does romance and erotica. there are "craft notes" that might seem weird, like i'm being redundant or restating something rather than analyzing, but those are more things that i want to remember/take away from the writing!

i'm going to tag these longer posts with "sam reads capri" in case anyone wants to read them all at once.

this is a google doc i wrote with overall content warnings for the captive prince series. it's not perfect, but i do think it's important to include.

There were very few problems, the public killings having been good for the soldiers’ morale.

so where are the people like me in this world who would like pass out witnessing that. just too desensitized to care?

The Veretian herald was named Hendric and he had very strong arms, because banners were heavy.

Damen and Laurent were to ride alongside one another. Neither one of them had the better horse.

THEIR HORSES!! BACK TOGETHER DESPITE ALL ODDS!! because they’re definitely the same ones that fell in love during prince's gambit shut up

Damen was taller, but nothing could be done about that, Hendric had said with an impenetrable expression. Hendric, Damen was learning, had something in common with Laurent, in that it was never a simple matter to tell when he was joking.

give laurent a comedically large hammer and he’ll find a way

‘I hope the injured boy was returned to you safely.’ ‘Thank you, he returned with Paschal,’ said Laurent. For a salve? Damen opened his mouth to say, and didn’t.

throwback <3 but kings can’t have inside jokes :(

In the next moment, the horns rang out, triumphant and lonely at the same time, the pure sound absorbed by the sky and the wide open landscape around them.

“triumphant and lonely” nice detail

He remembered exactly how it had looked, and that was why he didn’t recognise it at first: the forest of broken spears was gone, and there were no gouged ruts in the earth, no men face down in the churned mud. Marlas was now a tumble of grass and wildflowers in the blowy, sweet summer weather, shifting back and forth in the gentle air. Here and there an insect droned, a drowsy sound. A dragonfly dipped and darted.

i like this :) we don’t get a lot of love for nature in this series, so i’ll take what i get. especially nice when nature represents healing and the passage of time.

Lining the hall were two dozen slaves.

oh this is going to be a headache. but it’s a headache worth having, because i’ve approached these annotations so far with integrity and fairness, and i refuse to treat this subject any differently. i don’t want to just ignore the things that are more difficult or less fun to unpack in order to get to the fun shipping stuff, i want to analyze them to the best of my ability and feel as comfortable as i possibly can moving forward.

so let’s set up some context:

1) damen has come a long way from his stance on slavery in book 1. he is actively refusing to partake in this expected custom, and finds the institution disturbing and triggering. he has developed a new appreciation for sex with truly consenting (not trained) partners, aka laurent, and can’t really go back. still, his reasons for refraining here are almost entirely based on his evolving sense of morality, not really relating to his relationship with laurent at all. for more on that moral evolution, see my analysis in chapter 4. further proof of this Really Mattering to damen is the fact that by not taking slaves, he is losing points with his own people. another great hint of his development as a king, making his own authoritative decisions rather than upholding tradition.

2) laurent does not like slavery. he does not think it is morally correct, and has made many jabs at damen throughout the series for disagreeing. he is disturbed by idea of people who have been groomed into relinquishing their own free will. if put in the situation of damen in book 1, laurent would not have been nearly as compliant or allowing—honestly, he probably would have tried to kill his master, and failing that, kill himself.

HOWEVER. vere does not do slavery. slavery had never been a relevant issue to laurent, at least until he was gifted a slave of his own and was made to deal with them in negotiations with patras. slavery is a thing other countries do, to laurent, and his current objective is make nice with a country that keeps slaves. therefore, he knows that his only real option is to keep the appearance of partaking in the custom, even if damen can get away with refusal. and i think we can safely assume that in laurent’s vere, there will be no slavery, even if he’s taking up the appearance of a slave owner now. additionally, i think we can also assume that there will be reform of the country’s pet system, which is an issue much more relevant to laurent’s lived experience.

if the stuff with laurent and slaves here was simply performative and un-indulgent, i wouldn’t need to be writing anything more here. but it is, as it is, one of the few things in the series that makes me feel very conflicted (see also: the garden scene in book 1). because while it’s true that laurent doesn’t actually use isander as a sex slave, and does have this kind of passive disdain for slavery, he does use isander in another way. he uses isander, a non-consenting brainwashed slave, as a way to make damen, who has never actually been a slave, jealous. this is an abuse of power that directly conflicts with laurent’s stated and assumed values regarding free will and individual personhood. we’ve seen things like this before, in arles, but laurent had known that damen was a prince and not a slave the entire time. but isander is a victim of this system—even if isander himself doesn’t know that, laurent damn well does. and laurent historically is someone who advocates for victims. so the fact that his morals here are being set aside in favor of a petty gesture against damen, is… disappointing. everything i said in chapter 3/4 about laurent’s mean girl era still stands: he knows he’s being shitty, and he’s doing it because he doesn’t want to be vulnerable and insecure. better to be a villain than a victim, etc. but laurent being a villain to damen, who laurent knows is perfectly capable of defending himself, is distinctly different from laurent parading out isander the slave just to hurt damen’s feelings.

it’s wrong for the obvious moral reasons, which laurent perfectly understands in the abstract. but it’s not a hill he’s going to die on here, and that’s not just because of the political advantage. this is 100% about personal shit with damen too. and sorry laurent, but slavery does not stop being wrong when it’s useful in creating drama with your ex. in fact, indulging in it for that reason specifically trivializes all of the legitimate problems with the practice. it makes laurent a hypocrite and it crosses a line, in terms of his mean girl schtick. i just want to make that clear—that there is very much a difference between laurent just being kinda cunty to damen in general, and specifically using a slave as tool in that cuntiness.

laurent is, and always has been, a morally complex and often hypocritical character. he has done things that have made me feel uncomfortable to read, like the way he treats damen in the garden scene. and that’s okay, and it doesn’t make him a bad character, or even a bad person. and to be fair, he isn’t doing any practical harm here—if he hadn’t chosen isander to kinda just vaguely flirt with in public and then leave alone in private, someone else probably would have done far worse. and that is an easy cop-out, and it’s not wrong. but still.

the problem isn’t with laurent's actions here, necessarily, but the principle. which is usually what laurent himself cares about the most, as he often values the ends above the means. politics aside, i think that laurent would readily admit post-mean girl era that the ends of making damen jealous did not, and should not, justify the means of using another human being who does not possess free will. maybe he even does that in the text, eventually, and i’ve forgotten.

(also, let’s not forget that isander may have been trained to not have his own feelings, but definitely still has them, because he’s a human being. and it probably makes him feel pretty bad to be chosen and then ignored by laurent. not that it should, because the entire thing is super fucked up, but it’s what he’s been groomed to believe. like, i did just want to throw that in somewhere, even though it’s obviously predicated on brainwashing and a lack of free will. it’s still what he’s feeling, and his feelings matter. just as much as damen’s or laurent’s.)

basically: laurent is failing to be honorable in his usage of isander, even if he’s not using isander as a sex slave as intended. his abstract values about the wrongness of slavery take a back seat to the political and interpersonal advantage of not only passively partaking in the custom, but actively using it to make damen jealous. even if laurent needs to pretend to take a slave to be politically accepted, he does not need to do All That. and honestly, with laurent’s ability to convince and command a crowd, i think we all know deep down that if he didn’t at least want to do this at least a little bit, just to piss damen off, he would find a way out of it. and that is a reality of laurent’s characterization here that i have to deal with, similar to his actions in the garden scene.

and then there’s the other thing that laurent's "performance" with isander has in common with the garden scene:

it’s hot. it’s wrong, and hypocritical, and could have been done in a way that would better suit my personal tastes, but yes, it’s hot. and on top of that, it’s also VERY funny. laurent’s performance, damen’s reactions, and isander’s obliviousness are all very, very funny. and i do want to be able to enjoy them for the petty gestures they are, and joke about them, without constantly having to throw in a “but also this is bad.” so doing this initial disclaimer feels like a happy medium to me, where i’m not ignoring the complexity of the situation entirely, but i’m also conceding that it’s not necessarily meant to be taken seriously, and it’s ultimately written for the reader to enjoy. like, don’t get me wrong, most of the slavery stuff in this series has NOT been written for the reader’s enjoyment—the values here are very clear, especially in damen’s arc—but there are still some indulgent moments. and it is fiction. and these characters aren’t perfect, nor did they create the culture of the kingdoms that they’re about to rule. and they do ultimately change the things that they, and we the reader, know are wrong.

but just like with the garden scene, i can’t quite get myself to write “so it’s totally fine to just have fun with the whole slavery thing” as a conclusion. and honestly, i feel pretty okay about that hesitancy. when i make jokes about this subject in this specific context (laurent and isander), i don’t want it to be forgotten that the subject itself (slavery) is still entirely serious. so instead, i’ll say:

this is fun because manipulative petty lamen mind games are fun. this is hot because manipulative petty lamen mind games are hot. this is somewhat intended as a backhanded insult and display of moral superiority—laurent showing damen how awful he and his culture appear to non-slave owners—but that moral superiority ultimately falls short due to laurent’s hypocritical use of a slave to make damen jealous. all of those separate pieces of analysis are true to the overall experience of reading and interpreting these scenes. it’s a mixed bag, we know it’s a mixed bag, laurent knows it’s a mixed bag, and damen knows it’s a mixed bag. the only relevant person who doesn’t know it’s a mixed bag is isander, because he’s a slave and isn’t allowed to think for himself, and that fucking sucks.

Isander was olive-skinned and lithe as a fawn, with dark hair and eyes: Akielon colouring. He shared that with Nikandros; with Damen.

yeah i’m sure that’s just a coincidence

Male, either in deference to Veretian customs, or to suit Laurent’s assumed preferences.

akielon slave owners, trying to assess laurent’s preferences:

(can you tell my heart still isn’t fully in the humor here…)

Nikandros would never offer royalty anything less than a slave’s First Night.

god, the first night thing is fucked up. in general, i love the lack of like… uh… traditionally conservative (read: christian) attitudes about sex in capri, so the few similarities especially give me the ick. i haven’t read or annotated the erasmus short story yet, but i know it’s going to piss me off too. basically, the closer we get to the handmaid’s tale, the more i want to read complicit characters dying horrifically on the page. nikandros and the other akielons are skirting by for now with the plausible deniability they have re: fully understanding how slaves are trained, but they’re on thin fucking ice.

also, lighter side question, what’s the recommended reading order for the short stories?

sweet grace of a palace slave

gag

‘I like that one,’ said Laurent.

>:(

‘Slaves are trained in the arts of pleasure, but they do not lie with another until their First Night,’ Kolnas said. ‘Here we use the same strict, classical training that is used in the royal palace. Skills are learned through instruction, and practised with indirect methods. The slave remains wholly untouched, kept pure for the first use of the Exalted.’

imagine if real-life cultural customs were built around grooming a certain group of people to be sexually submissive and modest as a thinly-veiled way to control their sexuality and ensure that they are attached to dominant societal figures from a young age without the education or free will to consider themselves actual human beings, so they can unquestioningly spend their entire lives as sex machines and domestic servants defined entirely by their responsibility to the family, and then they die and their headstone identifies them by their status as a possession of their dominant partner. wouldn’t that be fucked up

‘I never did learn how to command a bed slave,’ said Laurent. ‘Teach me.’

guys i wish i could find this hot or funny but now i’m just mad about disturbing stuff in real life that i can’t analyze out of existence. i’m taking a break and eating a chocolate strawberry greek yogurt popsicle and then i’ll try to refocus on the funny toxic gay people

‘They cannot speak Veretian, Your Highness,’ Kolnas explained. ‘In the Akielon language, using the plain form of address is appropriate. To command any act of service is to honour a slave. The more personal the service, the greater the honour.’ ‘Really? Come here,’ said Laurent.

laurent go sit in the corner.

Laurent extended the tip of his boot. ‘Kiss it,’ he said. His eyes were on Damen.

god this is so good. i hate it so much.

to be fair, there is no way to do this that would be more effective than laurent using a slave. because, y’know, damen was his “slave.” it wouldn’t hit the same with some random non-slave guy. laurent wants to fuck with damen’s head, and part of that is making him miss something he most certainly should not be missing. laurent is also fucking with my head, because this gesture is so conflictingly wrong and compelling, a word which in this case means "something i’m embarrassed/ashamed to say that i find hot."

‘Good boy,’ said Laurent, reaching down to pet Isander’s dark curls, while Isander’s eyes closed and he flushed over.

(easy joke to make, but we’re all probably thinking it) damen:

(also, this being the only “good boy” in the entire series is just diabolical. but i get why it is, because i think it might not be the only one—and if it isn’t the only one, that means the regent says it at some point, and that’s exactly why it’s never used in a lamen sex scene.)

Kolnas preened, pleased that his selection was appreciated. Damen could see that the fort’s household around them was also pleased, having gone to great lengths to make Laurent feel welcome. They had considered with intense thoughtfulness Veretian culture and Veretian practices.

i sense some slight snarkiness here—not even from damen, but from the narrative itself. there’s palpable irony in the “great lengths” and “thoughtfulness” of akielions considering veretian culture while presenting laurent with slaves, all while veretian culture doesn’t have slavery.

It was pointless. There were two dozen slaves here, while the number of times Laurent had had sex in his life could probably be counted on one hand. Laurent was just going to be dragging twenty-four young men back to his rooms to sit around doing nothing. They wouldn’t even be able to unlace Veretian clothing.

according to damen:

this is stupid.

laurent is, in all ways but physical, a loser virgin.

he’s going to set out board games for those sex slaves. he’s going to throw them a pizza party. he’s going to answer emails the entire time.

they don’t even know how to unlace laurent’s clothing like i do.

this is stupid.

‘Can he also serve me in the baths?’ said Laurent.

CUNT.

‘And at the feast for the bannermen this evening when they give their pledge, if that pleases you, Your Highness,’ said Kolnas. ‘It pleases me,’ said Laurent.

damen is about to throw up on the floor

Cloth wound around his waist and over his shoulder, the sort of ceremonial Akielon garb that you could unreel from a person by taking hold of one end and pulling while they rotated.

looney toons-ass imagery

He could feel their discomfort, their need to debase themselves; this sort of proximity to royalty permitted only the extreme submissiveness of slaves.

thank you damen for being the only normal person here. you've come a long way.

“discomfort, their need to debase themselves” is something book 1 damen would have found adorable and charming. he definitely wouldn’t have worded it like this, back then.

“this sort of proximity to royalty permitted only the extreme submissiveness of slaves” building on the damen vs. kingship theme, he thinks he can’t have real love or intimacy or vulnerability if he’s a king. he can’t truly be paired with an equal, because he needs to be exalted.

He had sent away the slaves.

damen you’re the only one i’m not at mad at in this chapter. actually i liked the funny banner guy, we’re chill too. and isander is just trying his best

Laurent, he knew, was rooming in the adjoining suite, separated from him by a single wall. Damen was in the King’s chambers, which any lord who built a fort installed, in the hope the King would stop there. But even the former lord of Marlas’s optimism had not stretched to the idea that the heads of two royal families would visit simultaneously. To preserve their arrangements of scrupulous equality, Laurent was in the Queen’s chambers, beyond that wall.

i’m getting so much whiplash from this chapter like yeah this is funny and cute but also is the slavery stuff just normal to people like i’m aware the series started from a specific subculture and kink and body of literary work, so i guess i’m the weird one and the outsider here for being so distracted??

Isander was probably tending him, gamely doing his best with the laces. He would have to unhook the lacings on the back of the neck of Laurent’s riding leathers before drawing them through their eyelets. Or Laurent had taken Isander into the baths, to be undressed by him there. Isander would be flushed with pride at being chosen for the task. Attend me. Damen felt his hands curl into fists.

i don’t think i need to point out in a note, every single time, that damen being jealous of isander is funny and his possessiveness of laurent is hot. but i will still highlight the passages where it happens.

He turned his mind to political matters.

good call buddy, you and i are going to get through this chapter together

Men and women reclined on couches

(said apprehensively, given the overall themes of this chapter) ...women?

Makedon leaned, selecting a slice of peeled orange. Pallas, the handsome officer-champion, reclined with the easy posture that spoke to his aristocratic blood. Straton had hitched his skirts up and drawn his legs onto the couch, crossing them at the ankles. Everyone whom rank or office entitled to be here was assembled, and with every northerner of standing gathered to give their pledge, the hall was packed full. The Veretians present were mostly vertical, standing awkwardly in small groups, one or two perched gingerly on the edge of a seat.

There was no trumpet flourish or herald’s announcement, as there would have been in Vere.

okay i didn’t realize there was a trumpet flourish in vere. that is very funny in retrospect. a trumpet is not the instrument i’d choose to announce laurent’s arrival. in arles especially, i personally think that a halloween sfx cd would have been much more appropriate

Laurent didn’t rise. He wasn’t required to. He just watched from his reclining couch, as the hall prostrated itself. He had cultivated an elegant sprawl, with his arm draped over his couch back, and his leg drawn up, revealing the arc of an exquisitely clad thigh. His fingers dangled. Silk rucked around his knee.

laurent lean #14. kings leaning.

Isander was prostrated, an inch from Laurent’s casually draped fingertips, his lithe body bare. He wore a brief garment like a Vaskian man’s cloth. His collar fit him like a second skin. Laurent sat relaxed, every line of his body arranged tastefully against the couch. Damen made himself stroll forward through the silence. Their twin couches were next to each other. ‘Brother,’ Laurent said, pleasantly.

no comment

The eyes of everyone in the hall were on him. He felt their gazes, their underfed curiosity. He heard the murmurs—it really is him, Damianos, alive and here—accompanied by the brazen looks, looking at him, looking at the gold cuff on his wrist, looking at Laurent in his Veretian clothes like an exotic ornament—so that is the Veretian Prince. And beneath that the speculation that was never spoken aloud.

at least one akielon politics rpf truther is losing their mind rn. we have gaylor, this world has gaymianos

Laurent was scrupulously correct in the face of it, his behaviour immaculate, even his use of the slave was an act of unimpeachable etiquette. In Akielos it pleased the host for a guest to make use of his hospitality. And it pleased the Akielon people for their royal family to take slaves, a sign of virility and power, and a cause of great pride.

narrows my eyes

Barieus stepped forward. ‘I want assurances that Vere does not hold undue influence over Akielos.’ Undue influence. ‘Speak plainly.’ ‘They say the Prince of Vere is your lover.’

found the gaymianos truther

‘Who we take to our bed is not your concern.’

well i mean if you’re using the royal “we” to represent the kingdom, then yeah… it kinda is?

‘Shall I tell them what really happened between us? They want to know,’ Laurent said. Laurent began to unlace the cuff of his sleeve, drawing the ties through the eyelets, then opening the fabric to expose the fine underside of his wrist—and then the unmistakable gold of the slave cuff.

Laurent leaned his wrist elegantly on the curved arm of the couch, the open sleeve reminiscent of a delicate open shirt collar, its laces trailing. ‘Do I have the question clear?’ said Laurent, speaking in Akielon. ‘You are asking if I lay with the man who killed my own brother?’ Laurent wore the slave cuff with utter disregard. He had no owner, the aristocratic arrogance of his posture said that. Laurent had always possessed an essential quality of the untouchable. He cultivated a faultless grace on the reclining couch, his chiselled profile and marble-chip eyes those of a statue. The idea that he would let anyone fuck him was impossible.

and damen is so into it. love love love the contrast with the description of slaves in this chapter. damen doesn’t want them, he wants laurent. he sees laurent as a complete and compelling person. there is honor in laurent’s performative submission—wearing the cuff—because damen respects laurent’s personhood. but he’s no longer able to see the submission of slaves as honorable, because he knows they’re fucking slaves who have been robbed of their personhood entirely.

Barieus said, ‘A man would have to be ice-cold to sleep with his brother’s killer.’ ‘Then you have your answer,’ said Laurent. There was a silence, in which Laurent’s gaze held that of Barieus. ‘Yes, Exalted.’ Barieus bowed his head, and unconsciously used the Akielon Exalted, rather than the Veretian titles Highness or Majesty.

a vine boom echoed through the court

‘Well, Barieus?’ said Damen. Barieus knelt two steps before the dais. ‘I will pledge. I see that the Prince of Vere stands with you. It’s right that we swear to you here, on the site of your greatest victory.’

“he is simply too cunty for us to deny his authority.”

Slaves brought the food. Squires served Damen, since he had made his preferences clear. It was an awkward arrangement that displeased everyone in the hall.

YES DAMEN!

Isander was utterly in love with his master. He strove continuously to do well, selecting each delicacy for Laurent to sample, bringing him only the best, in small, shallow dishes, refreshing the water bowl for Laurent to clean his fingers. He did it all with perfect form, discreetly attentive, and never drawing attention to himself. His eyelashes drew attention to themselves. Damen made himself look elsewhere.

but that’s not real love, and damen knows it. laurent knows it too. and damen did it way better in nesson-elroy

Laurent said, ‘Play The Fall of Inachtos,’ and a murmur of approval passed over the hall. Kolnas, the Keeper of Slaves, congratulated Laurent on his knowledge of Akielon epics. ‘It’s one of your favourites, isn’t it?’ said Laurent, transferring his gaze to Damen.

diabolical. need this energy for the lamen divorce playlists (they each have their own)

He had always liked the depiction of Akielons cutting down their enemies, as Nisos rode out to kill Inachtos, and take his walled city. He didn’t want to hear it now.

yayyy character development

It was Loyse and not Guion that Jord was approaching. She gave him a cursory look. ‘Yes?’ There was an awkward pause. ‘I just wanted to say . . . that I’m sorry for your loss. Your son was a good fighter.’ ‘Thank you, soldier.’ She gave him the token attention a lady might give to any servant, and turned back to her conversation with her husband.

loyse hiiiiiii loyse (said with appropriate sadness for her current state of grief)

Jord gazed at him for a long moment, then indicated Laurent with his chin. ‘I’m glad you two are friends,’ said Jord.

jord always knows exactly when to show up and make ill-timed commentary on damen and laurent's relationship

‘I thought when he found out about you, he’d swear revenge,’ said Jord. ‘He knew all along,’ said Damen. ‘It’s good that you could trust each other,’ said Jord. And then: ‘I think before you came, he didn’t really trust anyone.’ Damen said, ‘He didn’t.’

also isn’t it like SUPER awkward for jord to be around guion and loyse right now

Isander was bringing Laurent a sprig of grapes in a small dish. Laurent said something approving, and gestured for Isander to join him on the reclining couch. Isander glowed, shyly besotted. As Damen watched, Isander picked a single grape from the sprig, and lifted it to Laurent’s lips. Laurent leaned in. He twined a finger around a curl of Isander’s hair and allowed himself to be fed, grape by grape, a prince with a new favourite.

damen is about to start scratching the walls like a cat confronted with a closed door

He lifted the wine blindly. The cup was empty. Straton wasn’t the only Akielon departing with a slave; men and women throughout the hall were availing themselves. The wine, and the slaves enacting the battle were breaking down inhibitions. Akielon voices grew loud, emboldened by wine.

between the heavy drinking and sex practices, the akielon court actually sounds like my living hell. and we haven’t even gotten to the naked sports chapter yet

Laurent leaned in further to murmur something intimately into Isander’s ear, and then, as the recitation reached its climax, the clash of swords like the hammering in his chest, Damen saw Laurent tap Isander’s shoulder, and rise. I’d wager you never thought a prince could be jealous of a slave. At this moment I’d trade places with you in a heartbeat. Torveld’s words. He said, ‘Excuse me.’

The entire court around him rose as he pushed up from his couch-throne.

“couch-throne”

Trying to follow Laurent out, he got tangled in ceremony, the hall a stifling press of bodies and noise, and, as a blond head disappeared towards the doorway, he was stopped by party after party blocking his path.

okay i’m so curious what he’s meaning to do when he catches up to laurent. yell at him? yell at isander? throw up?

He ought to have brought a slave of his own, then the crowd would have melted away, understanding: the King wished privacy.

i am begging the protagonists of this book to stop using human people as objects. again maybe that’s just a me problem, this isn’t my usual genre and the akielon slavery system clearly doesn’t align with my kink sensibilities, but COME ON

The corridor was empty when he strode out into it. His heart was pounding. He turned the first corner into a section of the passage, half expecting to catch Laurent’s retreating figure. Instead, he saw a stark, empty arch with all its Veretian lattice stripped away. Under the arch was Isander, standing with his fawn eyes, looking confused and abandoned. His confusion was such that for a moment he just stared at Damen with wide eyes before he seemed to understand what was happening, and folded to the floor, forehead to the stone. Damen said, ‘Where is he?’ Isander was well trained, even if nothing was happening as he had expected tonight; and even if, rather mortifyingly, he was being asked to report this fact to his King. ‘His Highness of Vere has gone for a ride.’

well at least if “going on a ride” is laurent code for “feeling morally and emotionally troubled,” that’s… less disappointing, i guess.

also, i do realize that this is the place where laurent’s brother was killed, currently taken over by the nation that orchestrated and benefitted from his death. so there’s probably a twisted vindication in learning exactly how fucked up their culture is (asking about the first night, etc), and getting whatever kind of enjoyment out of the whole situation he can (pissing off damen). but there still had to be a crash, and as soon as laurent was excused from his duties he dipped to deal with it alone.

‘At the stables a handler might know his destination. This slave can inquire.’

i caaaaaan’t stand the way they’re denied use of personal pronouns

Closer; the approach was difficult because it was sharp with memory. Here was the place where their left flank had fallen. Here was the place where he had ordered men to attack the lines that would not fall, the starburst banner that did not falter. Here was the place where he had killed the last of the Prince’s Guard, and come face to face with Auguste. He dismounted from his horse, looping its reins over the cracked stone column of an overgrown pillar. The landscape was old, and the pieces of stone were old; and he remembered this place, remembered the torn soil and the desperation of the fight. Clearing a last jut of stone, he saw the curve of a shoulder in the moonlight, the white of a loose shirt, his outer garments stripped, all wrists and exposed throat. Laurent was sitting on a stone outcrop. His jacket was discarded uncharacteristically. He was sitting on it.

this is a beautifully set scene.

A stone slid under his heel. Laurent turned. For a moment, Laurent looked at him wide-eyed, young, and then the look in his eyes changed, as though the universe had fulfilled an ineluctable promise. ‘Oh,’ he said, ‘perfect.’

a moment of surprise and vulnerability, and then practiced cool again. onto Some More Bullshit, i guess

this isn’t the chapter to really tackle this, but i will eventually write a long essay about how laurent goes through his own mini character growth arc, completely off the page, during the lamen divorce era. it’s just that damen has custody of the reader, so we don’t get to see it—only hints, like this moment here. laurent must have had a lot on his mind, too, ever since their last heated conversation. i have some ideas about what that “a lot” might be, but again, i don’t think i’ve gotten quite enough from laurent yet to really start forming a conclusion.

Damen said, ‘I thought you might want—’ ‘Want?’ ‘A friend,’ said Damen. He used Jord’s word. His chest felt tight. ‘If you’d prefer me to leave, I will.’ ‘Why cavil?’ said Laurent. ‘Let’s fuck.’

ON YOUR BROTHER’S FIGURATIVE GRAVE WITH HIS MURDERER????

‘That isn’t what I meant.’ ‘It might not be what you meant, but it’s what you want.’ Laurent said, ‘You want to fuck me.’ Anyone else would have been drunk. Laurent was dangerously sober.

yeah, no, he’s definitely being going through Some Shit on his own. lots of self-loathing, especially due to the fact that he can’t hate damen as much as he knows he should. yearning, more self-loathing because of that yearning. companionship withdrawals, a return to isolation. a revived sense of grief for his brother, and nicaise, and damen (not damianos) and even his relationship with his uncle, who he hadn’t thought would be capable of trying to kill him. hating himself and blaming himself and regretting things he’s done to push people away. just an all-around bad time, but a necessary time of reflection that he needs to experience on his own. damen can’t just swoop in and fix laurent, laurent has to decide that he’s worth saving first. he’s not there yet, clearly, assuming that damen only wants him as a sexual object. whiiiiich was probably why he went so hard on the eroticism with isander easlier, it was an easy victory to get damen hot and bothered. a game he could win, among the many other games he knows he’s losing—especially the ones against himself.

i’ll put together something more coherent before the divorce era ends. tbh, i kinda think this scene should have been a separate chapter, because there is some pretty massive whiplash here. although maybe not, maybe the buildup of emotional and sexual tension was the point. yeah, it was. the slavery stuff just made it more frustrating to read. never mind.

‘You’ve been thinking about it since Ravenel. Since Nesson.’ He knew this mood. He should have expected it. He made himself say the words. ‘I came because I thought you might want to talk.’ ‘Not particularly.’

it almost sounds like laurent played himself, for the millionth time, by getting himself worked up with isander when he just really wanted damen

He said, ‘About your brother.’ ‘I never fucked my brother,’ said Laurent, with a strange edge to the words. ‘That is incest.’ They were standing in the place where his brother had died. With a disorientating sensation Damen realised they weren’t going to talk about that. They were going to talk about this.

"yes, honey..."

‘You’re right,’ said Damen. ‘I’ve been thinking about it since Ravenel. I haven’t been able to stop thinking about it.’ ‘Why?’ said Laurent. ‘Was I that good?’ ‘No. You fucked like a virgin,’ said Damen,

deserved

‘half the time. The rest of the time—’ ‘Like I knew what to do?’ ‘Like you knew what you were used to.’ He saw the words impact. Laurent swayed, like he’d been dealt a blow. Laurent said, ‘I’m not certain I can take your particular brand of honesty just at the moment.’

oh well this is particularly horrifying with [redacted] context. also i think the quote “i’m not certain i can take your particular brand of honesty just at the moment” says A LOT about how laurent has always viewed damen, for better or for worse. laurent can count on damen to tell him what he needs to hear, not what he wants to hear. so it makes sense that he’s been avoiding damen lately, because laurent is going through his own crisis of personal reflection

Damen said, ‘I don’t prefer sophistication in bed, if you were wondering.’ ‘That’s right,’ said Laurent. ‘You like it simple.’ All the breath left his throat. He stood, stripped, unready for it. Will you use even that against me? he wanted to say, and didn’t. Laurent’s breathing was shallow too, holding his ground.

is “that” just laurent making fun of the way damen is earnest in bed? seems like an overreaction from damen if that's the case, so it’s probably something else i’m missing. maybe laurent is accusing damen of keeping the secret of his identity, even when they fucked, to make things simpler between them? that would support my previous theory that laurent is convinced that damen wouldn’t want him how he really is, as damen really is, with all the complications between them. or it’s a dig about auguste somehow, and i just can’t figure out how it connects.

‘He died well,’ Damen made himself say. ‘He fought better than any man I’ve known. It was a fair fight, and he felt no pain. The end was quick.’

like i said—what laurent needs to hear, not what he wants to hear. even if damen thinks that it’s going to make laurent hate him more, he still has the integrity to say it.

‘You sent your men out to look for me too?’ said Laurent, his mouth twisting. ‘No,’ said Damen, and pushed Laurent hard out of sight, into the shelter of one of the huge, crumbling blocks of stone. In the next second, the troop was on them, at least two hundred men, so that the air was thick with the passage of horses. Damen pressed Laurent firmly into the rock, and held him in place with his body. The riders didn’t slow, even on this uncertain ground in the dark, and any man in their path would be trampled, tumbled, kicked from hoof to hoof. Discovery was a real threat, the rock cool under his palms, the dark shuddering with the pounding of hooves and heavy lethal horseflesh. He could feel Laurent against him, the barely contained tension, adrenalin mixed with his dislike of the proximity, the urge in him to prise himself out and away, stifled by necessity.

throwback <3 i think this is very intentionally placed in this conversation, as a reminder that they are the same people they were in prince’s gambit

‘I know you’re not cold,’ said Damen. ‘You weren’t cold when you ordered me tied to the post. You weren’t cold when you pushed me down on your bed.’

more true things laurent does not want to hear right now! also i like the use of warmth, as the opposite of cold, to signify both vengeful rage and romantic/sexual passion. two sides of the same coin

‘A fair fight?’ said Laurent, turning back to him. ‘No fight’s ever fair. Someone’s always stronger.’

rewinding to their previous argument. aren’t they both tired? i’m tired.

[bluedalahorse]

So here’s the thing: I’m not sure if Lisa Ambjörn and the YR Powers That Be intended for us as viewers to understand and interrogate August from a safe position of moral certainty about his ultimate fate.

Of course, authorial intent only matters so much, and the author can’t tell you how to engage with their story. This we know from many years of being in fandom and doing whatever we please with canon.

That said, when analyzing the show, I can’t ignore the choices that Lisa et al made when constructing the Young Royals world, and how that plays out in everything from the craft elements involved in writing the scripts to the camera angles to the set design. The YR creative team has done everything they can to present a universe with a complex moral framework, where characters are nuanced and influenced by the systems they live in, where some characters may do more harm than others but everyone is capable of both good deeds and bad ones. Young Royals is constructed very differently than something like Disney’s Snow White or Sleeping Beauty, and deliberately so. It is meant to make us ask larger questions about justice and morality.

I think August is meant to be uncomfortable for us, in a way where we can’t just easily divide into binary teams of “Lock August in a dungeon for a thousand years and never mention him again” and “Malte is pretty so I guess August isn’t that bad and should get away with everything.” (Does the latter team exist? I have heard of such things existing in an uncharted-by-me corner of the internet, but I have never encountered them with my own eyes.)

I think August is meant to make us ask complicated questions. Questions like:

If someone has harmed other people, do they still deserve to heal from their own trauma once separated from those they harmed? If so, who is responsible for that healing? Is it the state? Someone else?

To what extent does the age of the perpetrator of a crime impact the legal process around that crime? (Sweden and my own country have different answers to that question. It’s likely that neither answer is perfect.)

What makes meaningful consequences for someone who has committed harm? Who gets to decide what those consequences are?

How do we reconcile the positives a person has brought to our life with the negative things a person has done? How do we sit in that place of emotional dissonance? A question for Sara, and for anyone else with a loved one who has done harmful or abusive things.

To what extent is it worth interrogating the widespread culture of voyeurism that enabled the spread of the video after August released it? (This is not to draw a false moral equivalence between releasing the video and watching the video, because those things aren’t morally equivalent. But I do think the show is asking is to think about this culture of voyeurism and the ways in which we are complicit. Think about the internet comments we see flashing on the screen after the video is released, and the fact that we get the curtains closing so decisively in 2.5. August is an engaging character in part because he plays upon our own voyeurism as viewers—in season 1 he’s constantly leading Wille into new secret layers of the Hillerska world, and we follow Wille into that, wanting to know more.)

Do we trust a legal system that would take down August, knowing those in that legal system could use the same tools to prosecute Simon and Wilhelm?

To what extent can a person’s actions also be an indictment of the system? Even if August faces consequences for his actions, can we really rest easy knowing the systems that created his worst traits are continuing to operate as usual?

And the thing about asking these questions is that I think they are more likely to yield additional questions than grant us simple answers. That can be a valuable thing, and fiction that encourages us to ask these questions is worth engaging with. I also think that you can condemn August’s actions and advocate for him facing consequences while still asking yourself these questions and not always coming to a place where everything feels resolved. August is written that way on purpose. He is meant to make us feel conflicting emotions.

(And if you don’t feel conflict and have a set opinion of him, that’s good and valid too. See what I said before about the author’s intentions only going so far. We all engage with characters in the way that’s right for us.)

I also want to make it clear that engaging in these questions around a work of fiction and a fictional character does not mean that we are condoning revenge porn and blackmail in real life and letting perpetrators of such get away with it. In real life, these things should be condemned and prosecuted. And in real life, sometimes the people who do these things are people close to us or in our general circle. Sometimes people end up thinking through these questions anyway as a result of just being a human on this earth.

Anyway, I’m hitting a crucial part of August’s arc right now in the fic I’m writing, and I find myself bumping up against these questions constantly. It’s an emotionally meaningful part of the process for me, being able to sit in that and write about it and dramatize it. And I want to offer discussion space for those in fandom who want to have that conversation—I feel like I’m always creating space for people to have that conversation in smaller group settings, but it can be harder to have a conversation like that on my public dash, because of the way discussion plays out on tumblr.

I also reserve the right to change my mind after season 3 drops. Developments could happen there that make me feel differently, but for now I just wanted to state my piece.

As much as we long for the sword of justice to cut cleanly, it almost never does. Sometimes it’s good to have stories that wrestle with that. I’m really glad that YR does.

[eriexplosion]

One of the things that intrigues me about TBB and I think is kind of the source of a lot of the things people get most heated up about arguing is that...

A lot of the conflicts don't have an easy person to point at for whose Fault it is but that doesn't take away the consequences.

Like, an example, the very first thing that we see happen is, of course, Caleb nearly getting murdered by Crosshair. And on first watch I didn't know anything about Star Wars besides my vague memories of the movies, so it was easy to find a place to put fault - obviously Crosshair right?

Well, he's mind controlled. Very clearly and obviously when you know more about the canon. And now it's a three way fight with a boy that's done nothing wrong, the clone being influenced to try to kill him, and a freaked out sergeant trying to keep both of them alive.

And from what we see in Rebels... this never gets fixed. It can't be fixed! Kanan is still traumatized by this and it takes him over a decade to trust any clones at all. We don't really get to see Crosshair's take on the whole experience, but I assume he's not like, super pumped about the whole ordeal given that he spends all his unchipped time looking morose. He will probably never get an opportunity to make amends for it. Hunter has this as one of his last memories (so far) of all of his family being together.

They all just have to move on with their lives. No one did anything wrong. The source of this awful, awful moment came from so far above any of their heads. There wasn't a way out of it, and now they just have to live with the consequences.

Same thing with Crosshair's whole feelings of abandonment. You can argue all day over if it's his or Hunter's fault but ultimately... neither of them. The situation was entirely crafted by the Empire's actions. It doesn't remove the hurt on either side though. It can't remove that. They will need to figure out how to heal from it anyway, and hopefully season two gives them the chance.

A lot of people really like simple morality, they want there to be a Person Who's At Fault and the solution is either punishing this person or for that person to make amends. And so the argument over who needs to make amends gets to rage on and on, when the only entity at fault is the fucking Empire.

Anyway, it's just the kind of thing that haunts my brain on a daily basis, and it's part of why I use Recovery Arc more often than Redemption Arc when it comes to Crosshair, because for all his flaws the biggest things that he did weren't his Fault. But they weren't the fault of anyone he's blaming for it either. It's just easier to be angry at one person than it is to try to grapple with the weight of the injustice done to everyone involved.

[whatifxwereyou]

The Oncoming Storm Part 11: Gamble and Gossip

Liu Kang x Reader and Kung Lao x Reader (gonna do both, two paths!)

Some scene setting, and fun teasing. Who doesn't like to be teased about the two hot guys that are begging for their attention? And I mean, I sure do love writing these boys! Thanks for reading. I appreciate you guys so much. It's made this experience SO much fun. Will update again tomorrow... and also maybe Monday if all goes well ;D

Part 10 Part 12 Chapter Index

Liu Kang was seated amongst a handful of other monks, undoubtedly leading them in meditation. It was afternoon and Kung Lao had some time to think over what you had said the night before. He’d since made a few decisions on the matter. Before doing anything, he had to run it by his ‘brother’. Liu Kang had always been more level-headed than he was- more careful, more studious. Kung Lao knew that Liu Kang was going to hate his idea but it had to be said. He didn’t see another way out.

Leaning against the wall near the door, he tilted his hat and waited for the monks to finish their meditation. He’d never been big on meditating either. He’d done it, obviously, but his thoughts had always run amok throughout. Liu Kang spoke with the other monks and then waited for them to leave the room before stopping in front of Kung Lao, arms folded over his chest expectantly.

“All done?”

“You could have joined in. Less distracting.”

“I’ll pass.”

“How’s she doing?”

“Later.”

“What?”

“We’ll talk about that later. It’s not why I’m here.”

“Then…?” Liu Kang sighed expectantly, bowing his head as one of the monks peeked inside to thank him for the meditation. “What?”

“I want a fair chance.”

“What does that mean, Lao?” The sigh Liu Kang gave him was a familiar one and it made Kung Lao laugh under his breath.

“It means that we should order takeout. What do you think it means, Liu? For Y/N, obviously. You knew exactly what I meant. Why waste time and make me explain it?”

“I’m sorry, what?”

He knew that Liu Kang was going to hate this. Even talking about you had made him uncomfortable.

“Don’t be sorry.”

“You know that I wasn’t actually apologizing, Lao. Get to your point.”

“We’re going to make it interesting.”

“I thought we’d already talked about this.”

“Did you think we were actually done talking?”

“I had hoped.” Liu frowned. “She can do whatever she wants, Kung Lao. You and I don’t have any say in what she does. She’s an adult. I’m not going to fight with you over her. That’s ridiculous. We’re not schoolboys.”

“Who said anything about fighting?” Kung Lao chuckled and Liu couldn’t have looked less approving.

“This is feeling very childish.”

“Oh, come on. You like her. Right?” Liu Kang said nothing in response but then when Kung Lao gave him a knowing look, Liu nodded.

“Well, so do I.” Kung Lao shrugged. It was simple. They had a problem so he had come up with a creative solution. “To be fair? I saw her first…”

“…I’m coming back to that we’re-not-schoolboys thing and find I’m having to remind you that we’re not children.”

“Fine, fine. I’m just saying that there’s no reason we shouldn’t make this interesting. We’re both vying for her attention and whoever wins? Wins.”

“Why do I feel like I’m about to call you an asshole?”

“We bet on it.”

“I was right. You’re an asshole.” Liu Kang silenced him with a look and Kung Lao smiled. “I’m not betting on someone else’s choices, Kung Lao.”

“Hear me out, Liu!” Kung Lao followed his brother out of the room and down the hall. Liu Kang stopped and turned to face him expectantly. “It could be fun?”

“Ugh. Isn’t she going through enough right now without us and… you being the way you are?”

“I’m just saying, Liu. This is happening one way or another so why not have a harmless little game on the side?” Kung Lao joined him in his walk, amused by both his brother’s disgust and curiosity.

“And what would the stakes be in this hypothetical bet?”

“That’s more like it.” Kung Lao clapped his hands together and stretched them in front of him. “Chores? Errands? Something harmless. For like a month.”

“And the other backs off. Bows out. No hard feelings.” Liu Kang suggested and stopped his walk, tapping his thumb against his prayer beads in thought.

“Finally, you’re part of the fun.” Kung Lao laughed. “Chores too, though.”

“So, what exactly would the terms be? Also, I’m throwing it out there that I do not feel terribly good about this. It feels manipulative.”

“It’s not. You like her. I like her. Neither one of us is leading her on. No one’s lying.”

“And yet now there are stakes. We’re betting over the decisions of another human. It feels… morally gray at the least.”

“What? Are you worried that I’m going to steal your girl? Who was my girl to begin with, just as a reminder.”

“No.” Liu Kang was instantly defensive. “And she doesn’t belong to anyone. I need you to stop phrasing it that way.”

“You’re worried that she’s going to kiss me first and not know what to do.” Kung Lao teased. “Worried that you might lose all that extra ground you covered while I was gone.” Kung Lao enjoyed making Liu Kang uncomfortable and was happy to see him considering his game. He wanted a fair shot and it seemed the only way without arguing with his brother. Liu Kang averted his gaze and looked far past Kung Lao who followed his gaze and then scoffed in surprise. He’d already kissed you. Well, that certainly changed things. “Interesting. So, I’m working at a bigger disadvantage than I thought.”

“Disadvantage?” Liu rolled his eyes. “You grew up together. She holds you in deep reverence. She asks about you all the time. That’s not a disadvantage.”

“Don’t pretend that being made of fire isn’t working in your favor. Neither of our standings are fair so… that makes it kind of fair, right?”

Liu Kang rolled his eyes again. “What are the terms, Kung Lao?”

“Well, first we agree not to be angry with each other no matter what comes of it.”

“Annoyed is acceptable, right? Because I’m already annoyed.”

“Of course.” Kung Lao swatted him on the back. “Well, then the only terms are her choosing one of us. Like you said. It’s not really up to us.”

“So, I’m supposed to be fine wondering what the two of you are up to. Is that the real reason you’re doing this?”

“I said that being annoyed was fine, remember? Besides, it’ll make you work harder.” Kung Lao teased, though he didn’t love the mental image of Liu kissing you either. That ship had sailed apparently and he had ground to regain. “So when she chooses, then one of us wins.”

“That’s it?”

“That’s it. No strings attached. I’m not going to even brag.”

“I don’t believe that for a single second.”

“No, really. I’m just trying to cut the air between us over it. This way we can be honest. I know that she’s attached to you and while she’s attached to me, that’s in a different sense. Also, I want you to do my chores and errands for a month.”

“Well, aren’t you confident?”

“I’m the descendant of the Great Kung Lao. What makes you think that I won’t?”

“Fine. We can have this little bet. You are, however, an asshole to think of this. When she inevitably gets angry about it? I’m deferring to you.”

“Defer away. I’m extremely charming.” Kung Lao clasped his shoulder and then gestured down the hall. “Spar? It’s been a while.”

“Yeah, sure. Why not?”

***

You slept into the next afternoon, something that you had sorely needed. When you woke up, you were alone and grateful for it. You adored Liu Kang and Kung Lao but the air had become thick with them around. It felt nice not to have to have your guard up for a few minutes. For now, you could lay in bed, curled up in your blanket like a burrito, and procrastinate on getting on with your day.

Your side was sore and you were exhausted despite the extra sleep. That was to be expected considering the blood loss and trauma of the night before. After a few minutes spent rolling around in bed, you got up, got cleaned up, and dressed. Then you made your way down to the infirmary, stopping only once to help a monk who had their hands full. You figured it was better to go make sure that your side was doing okay rather than have to break the promise you’d made to Chen the night before.

You walked into the infirmary and speak of the devil, there was Chen. You smiled and waved in greeting to you. You returned the wave shyly and stepped further inside. Chen offered you a hug, then urged you to take a seat on the bench you’d sat upon more times than you could count now. Chen took the seat next to you.

“I was hoping that you’d check in with us today before getting yourself into more trouble.” Chen looked to you disapprovingly and you pouted. “You know, it was pretty peaceful before you arrived.”

“I find that difficult to believe.”

“Okay, so it’s not much less chaotic, but still. It’s been much bloodier the last few weeks with you around. Come on, shirt up, let me see.” Chen was a few years older than you, you suspected. You hadn’t asked but the way Chen spoke led you to believe that there was a small age gap. You had worn the tank top from the night before. It was so much easier to maneuver around than the gi or the hanfu. You put it in the back of your mind to ask Lao or Liu if you could leave the temple at some point to buy some other clothing. You liked the hanfu and the gi but they were antiquated and inconvenient at times.

You tugged up your shirt and Chen pulled the gauze away from the wound. The skin around it was tender but you didn’t flinch. Chen wasn’t gentle with you anymore either. In fact, she’d told you several times that the best way for you to heal would be for you to be treated normally. You’d even heard Chen scold Liu Kang once for pampering you and had a good laugh about it.

Chen tended to the wound. You didn’t look at it. It was very sore even though it had been cauterized. It made your whole torso ache, even sitting upright was a chore. Still, at least you weren’t bleeding out anymore. You could recover from the blood loss at least. Chen rattled on about her day while she worked, talking about the walk she’d taken that morning and a delivery of medicine that had come with one of the other monks returning from a long journey.

You struggled to focus. It wasn’t that Chen was boring, just that you were exhausted and the pulling and tugging of the wound didn’t help.

“So, yesterday was interesting.” Chen shoved your shoulder when it was clear you were no longer paying attention to her stories. You pouted again.

“That’s one word for it. Miserable? That’s a pretty good word for it too.”

“Oh, I suppose that was interesting too but I meant with Kung Lao.”

You rolled your eyes so hard that Chen laughed and smacked the back of your head. “Ow! He felt guilty, okay? Your brain is constantly in the gutter.”

“I thought you were sweet on Liu Kang.”

“Could you lower your voice if you’re going to talk like that? Jeez.” You hushed her and Chen laughed.

“We all thought you were sweet on Liu Kang.” Chen lowered her voice.

“I didn’t come here to talk about this. I came here to keep my no-bleeding-in-the-temple promise. So please, please let all of that go and do the thing where you tell me to be careful but go about my day.”

“Okay, okay.” Chen continued to clean the wound and was quiet only for a second. “…but you know? That was interesting. Kung Lao doesn’t come down here often. Avoids us like the plague. Yet, he stayed here nearly all night long for you.”

“You can’t agree to let it go and then keep yammering on about it. That’s lying. You’re a lying monk. That’s probably bad. Morally gray at the very least.”

“You’re being awfully evasive.”

“Not evasive I just don’t really want to talk about it.” You laughed. You had dwelled about these things enough on your own. It was nice, at least, to know that the tension wasn’t in your head. The others had noticed it too, so you weren’t going crazy. Was that good or bad? You had no idea.

“Like hell!”

“Again? Probably bad for a monk.” You laughed nervously as others stopped to look at you with Chen’s outburst. Chen waved the other monks off and they returned to their tasks.

“This is the juiciest gossip we’ve had in so long, Y/N.”

“I thought that you were supposed to be humble and all that.”

“We’re not perfect. That’s part of the deal.”

“I’m just saying that it feels like someone somewhere is probably judging you for this.”

“We’re still allowed to experience fun and excitement, Y/N. And this is very fun. And exciting.”

“Making me uncomfortable? That’s what’s fun and exciting?”

“Yes, Y/N. So, Kung Lao. What’s going on with that?”

“It’s complicated.”

“What about it is so complicated?”

“I knew him when we were kids. Old friends, I guess? Like I said, it’s complicated.” It was so much more complicated than you let on.

“Oh, come on.” Chen laughed and you couldn’t help but laugh with her. It really was ridiculous. The whole situation was absurd. You were glad for Chen then, who brought you back down to earth. You got so into your head about everything the past few days that hearing someone else’s voice on the matter was a reprieve, even if it was terribly embarrassing. “Please tell me that you two went and had some fun.”

“Chen!” Your face turned red.

“You’ve had nothing but pain since you got here, well except for that time I caught you and Liu Kang snuggling. Sue me for hoping you got to have a bit of the opposite.” Chen considered it and then shrugged. “Well, or a lot of the opposite. With at least one of them.”

“You can’t possibly be a monk. Someone has lied to me.”

“Your face is so red. I’ve never seen it that red.”

“You’re killing me.”

“It’s delightful.”

“My face can’t handle much more of this, I swear. Are we done here? Can I go throw my head in cold water and think pure thoughts?” You dared to peek at the wound and winced at the sight of it. It was ugly but still better than it looked the night before. Chen fanned the wound with the gauze in her hand.

“You should come meet us later so that we can catch up.”

“You mean gossip. You want me to meet you to gossip.”

“Yes, that is exactly what I mean.” Chen covered the wound with the gauze and you pulled your shirt back down over it.

“We’ll see. The day’s already half over and I have no idea what I’m supposed to be doing today. If I have free time, I’ll consider coming to bother you.” You weren’t sure you’d get the chance but if it ended the torturous teasing for the time being then you would at least consider it. Besides, even with the teasing, Chen was good company.

“I could find us some wine.”

“You are the worst monk,” you whispered.

“I expect a juicy story in return.”

“I don’t have any juicy stories.” You lied. You lied right through your teeth.

“Before you run off, please just give me a few details of…”

“Y/N?” Kung Lao’s voice interrupted and Chen sat upright and pretended to be working on cleaning up the mess she’d made taking care of your wound. Your face was still red and you shot daggers at Chen with your eyes but Chen was smiling brightly and avoiding your eyes. Chen stood up and allowed Kung Lao to take the spot where she’d been seated. You took calming breaths to try and will the redness away from your face.

“What are you doing here?” You cleared your throat and Kung Lao placed his hand to your cheek. His hand was cold in comparison but took up the entire side of your face.

“Are you having a reaction? Your face is on fire.”

“Just overheated. It’s warm out today.” You urged his hand away from your cheek but his fingertips still lingered. This was the worst timing. It was as though he’d planned with Chen to embarrass you. He didn’t seem to think you were embarrassed though, instead, he was concerned.

“How are you feeling? Wound still closed up?” Kung Lao reached to tug up your shirt and you gasped in surprise and swatted his hand away. He looked wounded as he pulled his hand back then grinned playfully.

“Don’t be so grabby. It’s fine. I just wanted to check in on it before going about my day.”

“Probably hurts something fierce still.”

“Yeah, it’s weighing on me.” You breathed a sigh of relief as you managed to relieve the burning in your face.

“Can I see it?”

“Why?”

“I’m curious.”

“No.” You stuck your tongue out at him. “Not a good enough reason.”

“Wow, okay.” He patted your leg with a laugh and rested his hand there. You did your best not to stare at it and also tried to ignore Chen spying on you. “If you’re done here then why don’t we get up and practice a bit?”

“I’m not sure that’s the best idea, Kung Lao.” You stared at his hand on your leg.

“You won’t get any better if you don’t keep it up. Nothing too crazy. Won’t even use my hat.” He tapped the brim and then brushed his fingers along the side of it.

“I’m nervous.” You hated that you’d admitted it and regretted saying it immediately. Kung Lao urged his hand from your leg, tilted his posture toward you, and brushed his fingertips over your jaw and beneath your chin. You fought off another shiver and he scooted closer to you, knees just barely pressed against yours.

“I promise to protect you. Don’t worry so much.”

“I uh…” Your voice, once again, felt small, something that was becoming much more common this close to him. He smirked as if realizing you were uncomfortable. “I’m more nervous for you than me. I attacked Liu without knowing.”

“I can handle myself, Y/N.”

“Oh?”

“I’m happy to prove it to you,” he whispered in your ear. You felt your heart stop dead in its tracks. His breath was hot on your ear then suddenly he stood up and left you seated alone. “Come on. Let’s go.” He walked out of the infirmary and you watched him go, stupefied. Chen grabbed your arm and urged you to your feet and mouthed for you to go.

“This is such a mess. A complete and total mess.” You followed after Kung Lao and Chen made a joking kissy face as you walked out of the infirmary.

[feysandandnyx]

I find it funny people who are so determined to defend Nesta that they are willing to vilify any other character to justify their favorite, as if the situations that occur in acotar were white or black and nothing more. Let me tell you a little bit about the argument used to say that Rhysand sexually abused Feyre Under the Mountain. I think in the first place, sjm made choices that I don't agree with. Why did Rhysand have to drug Feyre with the bewitched wine? What exactly did he not want her to see? The explanation would have been better if Sarah had been clearer in her writing.

Underneath the mountain it is certainly one of the darkest and most distressing moments in these books. The characters are in a very dark place and they need to act like that. In Under Mountain Rhysand is the monster the world thinks he is. But the way in which he related to Feyre until then is minimally dubious, even so we ended the book with anger at him.

If you reread ACOTAR it is easy to see the ambiguity of Rhysand's attitudes. He looks curious and is polite when he meets Feyre. But he acts cruelly on their second date. In Under the Mountain, he kisses Feyre against her will, he makes her wear clothes that leave Feyre's body exposed, he twists her arm, and he does drugs every night to the point that the character himself takes it as a habit.

However, if Rhysand dresses Feyre like a whore, he puts a crown on her head and declares to the entire court in Amarantha that Feyre was your protect and that the two had made a deal where she was supposed to spend a week with him at the Night Court. . This moment is very important, Rhysand is explicitly telling Amarantha that her reign was over, but you only notice it if you read it a second time.

Rhysand twisted Feyre's arm, but gave her a tattoo that in his homeland is a sign of strength and good luck. He kissed her to hide from Amarantha what Feyre and Tamlin had done. He was the only one who bet in favor of Feyre on her first test, he cheated to help her on the second test and he literally fought for her on the third.

Rhysand also manipulated the guards so that Feyre did not have to perform domestic activities that seemed endless, he made sure that she received quality food in her cell, he sent Feyre beautiful things when she was close to breaking: a song and a glimpse of the night sky . Rhysand showed a mask of cruelty to everyone, but he was always more than that for Feyre. He always showed her a part of himself that he could not reveal to anyone else, which is made explicit when he shows her her wings or as close to what her true form would be. And somehow, Feyre FEELS Rhysand, because the bond between them was already something real and noticeable under the mountain.

Some people will simply say: but isn't he Prynthian's most powerful High Lord? Why didn't he act differently? Simple. Rhysand practically no longer had his powers and he later explains that Amarantha had protection even against physical attacks. That's why he gets beaten when he fights her.

So even though I don't particularly feel comfortable with Rhysand drugging Feyre Under the Mountain, I can understand the reasons for his behavior and put the character in a GRAY category. Rhysand does bad things, but not without a reason. At first he is confused about how to feel about Feyre. He doesn't understand how he feels, but he realizes that she is the answer to rid Prynthian of Amarantha. So in a first layer, Rhysand uses her as a pawn, in a second, he helps her simply because Feyre is her mate and the character realizes this when Feyre was about to die. But all the time, he was already acting like he knew.

Rhysand would be a much bigger problem for me if he didn't talk to Feyre about the choices he made Under the Mountain or if he had actually taken sexual advantage of Feyre . If he felt any pride in what he did. However, this is not what was developed in acomaf and that is why it remains the best ACOTAR book for me. Rhysand is not proud, he admits that he was a monster, he is apologizing, he does not think he is worthy of Feyre, he never had hopes of having a romance with her. He is resigned and resigned to the price he had to pay to break free. He is willing to break the bargain between the two and let Feyre go to find what made her happy. On the other hand, Feyre is confused about him, but she also despises him and believes that he is the monster that everyone believed he was. There is no romanticization of Under the Mountain here. Rhysand and Feyre are initially at odds. Feyre needs to meet Rhys to understand and discover that he can be good and selfless.

To understand that he could be a monster to protect what he loved. I don't see romanticization in this construction since the characters are simply talking about these things. Rhysand was wrong to drug Feyre, but he is not saying he was right, nor is he proud of it. The same when he kisses Feyre against her will. When Rhysand kisses her, Feyre immediately understands why. So Rhysand is doing morally dubious things to keep Feyre alive. What would you have done in Rhysand's place? Would he have let Amarantha understand about Feyre and Tamlin and kept his morals intact, or would he have compromised his morals to save someone?

What is the morally correct situation in a life or death situation? Depending on your answer, you can understand why Rhysand can be forgiven by Feyre and most ACOTAR readers. Rhysand is not and has never been a perfect character. He is gray, neither black nor white, but something in between these two things and he is capable of destroying the world to save those he loves. I agree with the criticism that it is disturbing to see a person who is a victim of sexual abuse having to make these choices, but these criticisms should be directed mainly at sjm.

And maybe you can understand why Rhysand's reason for being "abusive" with Feyre is still different from the reason why Nesta was abusive to Feyre. Nessa abused Feyre to hurt her and make her feel bad to protect herself . Rhysand crossed a line with Feyre to keep her alive and free Prynthian from Amarantha. Feyre and Rhysand had an entire book to talk and get along with. All we wanted from Nesta was for her to talk and show her regret to Feyre. Let her show how she felt, with words and not just gestures. Feyre deserved to hear from Nesta what she said to Cassian or Amaren. But he will have opted for a lazy solution and tried to reduce Nesta's years of abuse over Feyre as a disagreement between sisters. So, I'm sorry if we can forgive Rhysand and not Nesta. The problem is not the characters themselves, but the way sjm chose to treat each of these relationships in the end.

Nesta didn't need to let herself be who she is, she just needed to apologize. I think the problem was never whether Nesta loved Feyre or not, but Nesta acknowledging to Feyre that she was wrong and apologizing for it. It's lazy for you to do Nesta simply by saving Feyre, especially when Feyre once died. Perhaps that is why many people did not like the way Sjm decided to end the conflict between the sisters in acosaf. Particularly speaking, I feel good about Nesta's healing process, but not the way she solves her problems with Feyre.

Again, if there were any mistakes I bought in the text I apologize because English is not my first language.

[dragonologist-phd]

tagged by @yanara126, thank you! I’ll tag @lunarowena, @antivan-beau, @undyingembers, and anyone else who has an AO3 account and hasn’t been tagged!

How many works do you have on AO3.

103 (although a lot of them are short prompt fills less than 500 words, so I wouldn’t exactly call them full fics. more like a bunch of little ficlets lol)

What’s your total AO3 words count?

426,595 (drive up quite a bit by the logs of our pillars ttrpg!)

What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

1) After, And After That: Critical Role, post-epilogue one-shot centered on Grog/Keyleth:

“So you’re here with Keyleth?” “Yeah,” Grog replied, not thinking much of the question until he noticed the way Vex was looking at him. “What?” “I mean… you’re here with Keyleth?” she pressed, raising an eyebrow. Oh.

A collection of moments after the epilogue, as two members of Vox Machina grieve and heal and grow, and eventually find something neither ever could have expected.  

2) Critical Role Relationship Week 2018: Critical Role, a collection of drabbles done for a fic event week (my favorite of which, btw, is  Day 5: The Rules of Courtship):

CR Relationship Week 2018! A week's worth of one-shots focused on the relationship between 2 random characters.

Day 1- The Vicious Truth: (Fjord & Mollymauk) Day 2- Kittens Are Cute (And So Are You): (Grog/Keyleth) Day 3- Page Turner: (Caleb & Taryon) Day 4- A Comma After Dearest (Jester/Calianna) Day 5- The Rules Of Courtship: (Pike & Kaylie) Day 6- Late Nights and Bloody Knuckles: (Grog & Yasha) Day 7- Give And Take: (Jester & Nott)

3) Please, Be Enough: Critical Role, one-shot, Vex-centric character study:

For so much of her life, Vex'ahlia has tried to be enough.

4) Beautiful Things: Mass Effect Andromeda, collection of drabbles written as I played through the game with Rebecca Ryder and which I’m currently trying to re-write now that I’ve expanded on my headcanons a bit more:

 It's an entirely new horizon, after all, and anything is possible. There are infinite breakthroughs yet to be made, and Becca is in the perfect position to make them.

A collection of one-shots centering around the Pathfinder career of Rebecca Ryder.  

5) The Greatest Friend Ever: Critical Role, one-shot focused on Jester and The Traveler:

 Jester laughs in delighted surprise, and for a moment it feels like someone is laughing alongside her.

A look into the past of Jester and the god who became her best friend.  

(the moral of the story is that CR is by far the most active fandom I’ve been in!)

Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

Absolutely! Usually just a short ‘thank you’, but I still try to respond to anything I get!

What’s the fic with the angstiest ending?

Hmm, a lot of my fics fall into the ‘angst with a happy ending’ category, so that’s a bit hard to say... best fit for this would probably be To The Bride (Dragon Age, F!Cousland/Anora)

What’s the fic you’ve written with the happiest ending?

Again, hard to say! I have a lot of short fics that sweet & simple endings.  Coffee And Honey Cake (Pillars Coffeshop!AU) is probably the fluffiest all the way through, since that’s kind of my apology to Nona for her canon-verse being so angsty XD

Do you write crossovers? If so, what is the craziest one you’ve ever written?

Not really...I do quite a bit of AU’s, but that’s not really the same. Closest I’ve come is with The Dunryd Archives, my Pillars MagnusArchives!AU

Have you ever received hate on a fic?

Nope!

Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

lol no...even if I wanted to, I feel like the secondhand embarrassment would be unbearable

Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Another nope!

Have you ever had a fic translated?

That one’s a yes! Queen's Best Friend (Pathfinder: Kingmaker, Baroness/Kanerah) was translated into Russian- I guess in a fandom so small, we need to share the rarepairs as much as we can!

Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Technically yes!  Prepare For The Dawn is a log of the Pillars ttrpg between me, @lunarowena @rannadylin and @serenbach86, with Bazylia_de_Grean on AO3 as the gm!

What’s your all-time favourite ship?

*shrug*? I never really had a favorite ship, since my fav ships vary depending on my mood and what I’m into at the moment

What’s a WIP that you want to finish but don’t think you ever will?

I will finish all my WIPs! I cannot be stopped! (Although I admit  Prodigy has been on the back burner for a good while, but still. It will be finished!)

What are your writing strengths?

I think do pretty good characterization, especially with inner dialogue, and character relationships- I have been told I write good banter, which feels like a fantastic compliment XD

What are your writing weaknesses?

Plot, my goodness. I admire people who write original plots so much- I can make OC’s and world-build in my head, but I almost never have a plot to go with it

What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

I don’t really have any? Obviously it works best if the author is actually fluent in the language and doesn’t just use Google Translate, but I don’t care much one way or the other

What was the first fandom you wrote for?

Harry Potter, which is probably like...the basic bitch of fandoms, lol, but middle school me loved it!

What’s your favourite fic you’ve written?

Ooh, that’s really tough! I like a lot of my fics for very different reasons. Of Diamonds And Dust (Dragon Age Origins novelization with Aeducan & Brosca) is the one I’ve been working on the longest, and I’m always going to be very fond of it. I think Divinity (Pillars, Goddess!Nona AU) has some of my best writing. And With Grace In Your Heart (Pillars, Desta character study) will always have a very special place in my heart because it was the first fic I wrote for Pillars and was when I really established Desta’s character.

So there’s 3 to choose from!

[aboveallarescuer]

Daenerys Targaryen's tropes - Upbringing Makes the Hero

"Heroes are made, not born" is a common and unstated theme in a lot of works. Though a good many heroic origins proudly trot out heroes who have been raised in The Spartan Way and can look Death in the eye-sockets without blinking before leaving their Tibetan monastery home, quite a few grew up Farm Boys who never picked up anything sharper than a hoe, though those can be quite a handful.

In fact, heroes with a down to earth upbringing tend to have a unique advantage over the more badass and epic ones: they're more centered. While they won't be saints, they'll have a strong enough moral compass to navigate most moral dilemmas, resist The Dark Side, and even refute Hannibal Lectures that more emotionally fragile heroes struggle with. If they gain super powers, they won't forget "the little people" and turn into a Smug Super with delusions of grandeur. Though they didn't gain the crime-fighting prowess of a lifetime of Charles Atlas training, or the street-savvy of an orphan with a Dark and Troubled Past, they also didn't sacrifice basic skills or their social life.

Daenerys's background

A princess, Dany thought. She had forgotten what that was like. Perhaps she had never really known. (AGOT Daenerys I)

~

After Ser Willem had died, the servants had stolen what little money they had left, and soon after they had been put out of the big house. Dany had cried when the red door closed behind them forever.

They had wandered since then, from Braavos to Myr, from Myr to Tyrosh, and on to Qohor and Volantis and Lys, never staying long in any one place. Her brother would not allow it. The Usurper’s hired knives were close behind them, he insisted, though Dany had never seen one.

At first the magisters and archons and merchant princes were pleased to welcome the last Targaryens to their homes and tables, but as the years passed and the Usurper continued to sit upon the Iron Throne, doors closed and their lives grew meaner. Years past they had been forced to sell their last few treasures, and now even the coin they had gotten from Mother’s crown had gone. In the alleys and wine sinks of Pentos, they called her brother “the beggar king.” Dany did not want to know what they called her. (AGOT Daenerys I)

~

“The Milk Men shun him. Khaleesi, do you see the girl in the felt hat? There, behind the fat priest. She is a—”

“—cutpurse,” finished Dany. She was no pampered lady, blind to such things. She had seen cutpurses aplenty in the streets of the Free Cities, during the years she’d spent with her brother, running from the Usurper’s hired knives. (ACOK Daenerys III)

~

“My brother visited Pentos, Myr, Braavos, near all the Free Cities. The magisters and archons fed him wine and promises, but his soul was starved to death. A man cannot sup from the beggar’s bowl all his life and stay a man. I had my taste in Qarth, that was enough. I will not come to Pentos bowl in hand.”

“Better to come a beggar than a slaver,” Arstan said.

“There speaks one who has been neither.” Dany’s nostrils flared. “Do you know what it is like to be sold, squire? I do. My brother sold me to Khal Drogo for the promise of a golden crown. Well, Drogo crowned him in gold, though not as he had wished, and
I ... my sun-and-stars made a queen of me, but if he had been a different man, it might have been much otherwise. Do you think I have forgotten how it felt to be afraid?” (ASOS Daenerys II)

Key examples of Daenerys's mindset and actions as queen that reflect her past experiences

Death followed death. Weak children, wrinkled old women, the sick and the stupid and the heedless, the cruel land claimed them all. Doreah grew gaunt and hollow-eyed, and her soft golden hair turned brittle as straw.

Dany hungered and thirsted with the rest of them. (ACOK Daenerys I)

~

“I was alone for a long time, Jorah. All alone but for my brother. I was such a small scared thing. Viserys should have protected me, but instead he hurt me and scared me worse. He shouldn’t have done that. He wasn’t just my brother, he was my king. Why do the gods make kings and queens, if not to protect the ones who can’t protect themselves?”

“Some kings make themselves. Robert did.”


“He was no true king,” Dany said scornfully. “He did no justice. Justice ... that’s what kings are for.” (ASOS Daenerys III)

~

Dany set great store by Ser Jorah’s counsel, but to leave Meereen untouched was more than she could stomach. She could not forget the children on their posts, the birds tearing at their entrails, their skinny arms pointing up the coast road. “Ser Jorah, you say we have no food left. If I march west, how can I feed my freedmen?”

“You can’t. I am sorry, Khaleesi. They must feed themselves or starve. Many and more will die along the march, yes. That will be hard, but there is no way to save them. We need to put this scorched earth well behind us.”

Dany had left a trail of corpses behind her when she crossed the red waste. It was a sight she never meant to see again. “No,” she said. “I will not march my people off to die.” My children. “There must be some way into this city.” (ASOS Daenerys V)

~

When she looked over one shoulder, there it stood, the afternoon sun blazing off the bronze harpy atop the Great Pyramid. Inside Meereen the slavers would soon be reclining in their fringed tokars to feast on lamb and olives, unborn puppies, honeyed dormice and other such delicacies, whilst outside her children went hungry. A sudden wild anger filled her. I will bring you down, she swore. (ASOS Daenerys V)

~

Her audience chamber was on the level below, an echoing high-ceilinged room with walls of purple marble. It was a chilly place for all its grandeur. There had been a throne there, a fantastic thing of carved and gilded wood in the shape of a savage harpy. She had taken one long look and commanded it be broken up for firewood. “I will not sit in the harpy’s lap,” she told them. Instead she sat upon a simple ebony bench. It served, though she had heard the Meereenese muttering that it did not befit a queen. (ASOS Daenerys VI)

~

Reznak would have summoned another tokar next, but Dany insisted that he call upon a freedman. Thereafter she alternated between the former masters and the former slaves. (ADWD Daenerys I)

~

He was too eloquent for her. Dany had no answer for him, only the raw feeling in her belly. “Slavery is not the same as rain,” she insisted. “I have been rained on and I have been sold. It is not the same. No man wants to be owned.” (ADWD Daenerys III)

~

Her freedmen were represented by the captains of the three companies she had formed—Mollono Yos Dob of the Stalwart Shields, Symon Stripeback of the Free Brothers, Marselen of the Mother’s Men. Reznak mo Reznak hovered at the queen’s elbow, and Strong Belwas stood behind her with his huge arms crossed. Dany would not lack for counsel. (ADWD Daenerys III)

~

When you smashed the slave trade, the blow was felt from Westeros to Asshai. Qarth depends upon its slaves. So too Tolos, New Ghis, Lys, Tyrosh, Volantis … the list is long, my queen.”

“Let them come. In me they shall find a sterner foe than Cleon. I would sooner perish fighting than return my children to bondage.” (ADWD Daenerys IV)

~

“Lingering here will never bring it any closer. The sooner we take our leave of this place—”

“I know. I do.” Dany did not know how to make him see. She wanted Westeros as much as he did, but first she must heal Meereen. (ADWD Daenerys IV)

~

Yesterday a wagon had been overturned and two of her soldiers killed, so today the queen had determined that she would bring the food herself. Every one of her advisors had argued fervently against it, from Reznak and the Shavepate to Ser Barristan, but Daenerys would not be moved. “I will not turn away from them,” she said stubbornly. “A queen must know the sufferings of her people.” (ADWD Daenerys VI)

[lena-in-a-red-dress]

Yay prompt party!! (: Post S5, Lena goes to visit Sam (more like Sam persuades her to visit them after one phone call detailing all the horrible things that have happened, and by persuade I mean threaten) in Metropolis, and at Sam's front door is immediately engulfed in the biggest, warmest hug EVER. Sam convinces her to leave NC, even if just for a while, to heal herself. She stays with them, they've missed each other, and even Ruby can see those fond gazes!! Reigncorp endgame!! Ruby ships it!!

It starts with a smile, and then the warmest hug Lena can ever remember receiving-- Kara's included. The multitude of bodies helps: Ruby somehow slots perfectly into an embrace of three, her arms just as bracing as her mother's.

Lena doesn't know if Sam heard something in her voice that last phone call they'd shared. It had been a routine check in that had somehow ended in an invite to visit. Perhaps it had been the readiness with which Lena accepted that gave Sam cause to worry, and resulted in the length of their welcoming hug.

"I've missed you," Ruby mutters into Lena's ribs.

Or maybe she simply had people who missed her when she was gone.

---

The evening ends with a dark television screen with Ruby asleep in her lap on one side, and Sam's fingers tangled with hers on the other. Lena lingers in a comfortable place between sleeping and waking, feeling floaty yet aware of the gentle fingers combing through her hair.

"What happened?" Sam asks, so softly Lena almost misses it.

The flash of hurt that follows zaps Lena out of her weightless euphoria and slams her back into a body filled with anguish.

"Shit." Of course Sam notices the change. Lena's not as good at pretending as she used to be. "I'm sorry..."

"It's fine. Well-- it's not." It feels good to confess it, even if it's not to the one she wants to say it to. Her world is only just tumbling back on its axis, but Lena feels relief to give voice to the truth of what she hid from Kara.

Maybe it would have hurt Kara more if she'd withheld her forgiveness rather than--

No. She doesn't want to hurt anyone. Not anymore.

"You know you can talk to me, right?"

Lena closes her eyes. "No. I can't."

Not about this. Not when her own failures-- failures of morality and her very identity-- stab deeper than any of Kara's secrets, any of her rebuffs. She couldn't stand for Sam to know the truth of her.

Silence envelops them in the dark, as warm and soft as a blanket. Shame gnaws at Lena; she doesn't deserve this. She doesn't deserve to have warmth and love when she had been so willing to--

"Stop it."

Blinking, Lena turns towards Sam. "Stop what?"

Sam gazes back at her. "You know what."

Lena doesn't know if Sam is entirely certain what's going through her brain, or if she's just reacting to the tension that's creeped back into her shoulders and spine. Either way, the scold is effective enough and no less true for not knowing. Lena knows.

"Yeah."

"Why don't you stay?"

"Sam..."

"I'm not talking forever," Sam says, hunching to set her chin on Lena's shoulder. "Just a few weeks to R&R. You know you can stay with us as long as you like."

Lena hesitates.

"If you think I can't handle your workload for a few weeks then I have some big news for you about what happened the year you went off to play media mogul, missy."

What little resolve Lena has cracks. Her back relaxes, and she lets her head rest against her friend's.

"Okay. I'll stay."

---

Lena's vacation comes with pancakes and a squeal from Ruby. School's out for summer vacation, so while Sam picks up the slack at LuthorCorp (even the very name grates on Lena's nerves, like part of herself erodes away with every logo and ad she sees), Lena loses herself in the city with Ruby. Musicals and museums and festivals mark their days, even a hike that leaves Lena embarrassingly winded and yet more invigorated than even the strictest of yoga classes.

She only turns her cell off when Kara starts texting her: first one here, another there, but soon ratcheting up to notes that read like a diary.

It goes from tentative check-ins, to news, to notes that feel like Kara's emotions are bubbling up and out through her fingers.

It should feel weird texting you like this so soon, reads one. But this is the most normal I've felt in a long time.

Kara might feel normal, but Lena feels foreign. So she turns her phone off entirely and refocuses on Ruby, and on Sam when her friend returns home from a long day at work. She helps Ruby with a thousand piece puzzle, and piece that clicks into place grounds her to reality in a way nothing has since the anti-matter wave hit, as though each one pulls a molecule back into place.

Sam gathers more of those molecules together, and molds them into a shape resembling a Lena that Lena recognizes, an echo of who she used to be... when the world was a known entity of empirical fact and the only questions she had turned her gaze outward.

With Sam, she feels not quite whole, but close to it.

With Sam, she can forget she ever stumbled at all.

---

It all ends with an evening spent in the backyard, grilling burgers and hot dogs to pair with pedestrian potato chips and something called ambrosia salad that is neither salad nor ambrosia. The watermelon agrees better with Lena: she munches it as Ruby chows down on the ambrosia, happily taking Lena's portion off her hands.

They eat in relative quiet, none of them really feeling the need to break it. The sun is warm but not too hot on Lena's skin, and it lulls her back to that in between place of nearly dozing.

"You should stay forever."

Lena pries her eyes open, and finds Ruby gazing at her solemnly.

"Rubes..."

"You can't pretend you're not happy here!" Ruby exclaims, voice lifting. "And mom wants you to stay too! Right, mom?"

Expecting Sam to be the voice of reason, Lena is surprised to see her friend give an equivocating shrug.

"I certainly wouldn't object," Sam admits. Her voice is low, and her gaze glimmers with deeper meaning.

It reminds Lena of those early days when they first met, before the company pulled them from each other's orbits.

Lena sighs. "I have responsibilities in National City."

"But you can do those here!"

"No, I can't. There's--"

Finally, Lena feels the burden of knowing Kara's secret. Not just in the risk it carries, but the responsibility it brings. Now that she knows, she can never walk away. Walking away from Supergirl means walking away from hope, from help, from compassion... all the things Lena needs to rebuild in herself.

"I've been trusted with a very special project in National City. I'll be starting as soon as I get back tomorrow."

Ruby senses her battle lost with gracious defeat. Her shoulders slump, but she doesn't issue the blame or angry recourse Lena expects.

"But I could certainly make more time to come visit."

Brightening, Ruby grins. "Yeah?"

Lena smiles. "Yeah."

---

The night ends with Sam's tangling with hers before Lena can go back inside.

"Did you mean it?"

"About visiting? 'Course."

"Ruby has an honors class camping trip next month," Sam informs her. Her fingers gently close on Lena's. "It's been a while since we had time for... just the two of us."

Lena knows Sam doesn't mean girls' night. She means skin on skin and quiet moments like the one they shared Lena's first night here. She means... love.

Slowly, firmly, Lena pulls Sam closer.

She leans in and tilts her head just so to place a simple kiss on Sam's lips.

"Thank you. For everything."

[the-phoenix-heart]

Sorting Hat Chats - The Last Unicorn

I don’t care if literally no one else cares about this but me WE ARE SORTING THE LAST UNICORN CHARACTERS WHETHER YOU LIKE IT OR NOT!

(You can find the basics of the system I’m using here, by @sortinghatchats​!)

(Also my reference for this is the 1982 movie and the 2010 graphic novel. As Peter S. Beagle, the actual author of the book, wrote the screenplay for the movie and the graphic novel has everything else the movie missed+an author’s note from Beagle I think it’s safe to say that I’ll get an accurate read on these characters.)

(Also also you don’t know just how long this has been in my drafts)

THE UNICORN, or AMALTHEA as she’s known in human form, is a Badger primary. It’s important to remember that Badgers are loyal to people, but what they view as people doesn’t have to be a human. The Unicorn views other unicorns as people and it’s why at the beginning she’s willing to leave behind her entire forest that she cares for, just for the small chance that she might be able to save them. Also, her saving the harpy, despite the fact that the harpy would surely kill her. She does that because the harpy, Celaeno, is real like her. “We’re two sides of the same magic.” It doesn’t matter if Celaeno is a creature that would kill all the other animals she’d just freed or Mummy Fortuna. She’s ‘real’ like her, and therefore people to The Unicorn. 

When she’s been transformed into a human she says, “How can anything that is going to die be real?” Dehumanizing is a thing Badger primaries do a lot of the time, and here The Unicorn is literally saying that what is ‘real’, what is people, are immortal magical creatures (and regular animals), and anything else isn’t ‘real’, isn’t people. 

The Unicorn’s secondary is harder to get a grip on, seeing as for half of the story she spends her screen time standing melancholic on high twisted towers looking out into the sea. Turning into a human is her moment when she burns. As Amalthea she is lost and forgetting herself, and also almost certainly has developed depression. Lir says that Amalthea heard about his horses burnt legs and she immediately went to it to try and heal it, only for nothing to happen. She literally tried to unburn something but it didn’t work guys. Before all that though, as a unicorn, I think she was a Lion secondary. 

When she finds out she might be the last unicorn in the world she decides to charge out into the world and find them, or die trying. When she’s mistaken for a simple (but pretty) mare she goes off on that little farmer. She stands her ground when the harpy is gonna kill her. She saves Schmendrick from the tree he accidentally made fall in love with him just by marching up to it and shutting it up. She saves Molly and Schmendrick from thieves by rearing up and threatening them with her hooves (she’ll stomp you with her fucking hooves if you even think of looking at her friends). And at the end she saves her friends from The Red Bull by charging at it and herding it into the sea. She’s described as “rearing up like a scimitar” and screaming (which no immortal has ever done) when she fights back. Even when she is transformed into Amalthea. When she’s still just been transformed she stops Mabruk pretty much by staring him down and possibly using her magic. Even at her most burnt, when she is willing to give up on the other the unicorns, she does so by being blunt and standing her ground.

Lion secondaries also have a habit of collecting people, like a Badger secondary, but I still say The Unicorn is a Lion secondary because the way she collects people (’people’ it’s two people and you can’t count Lir because he fell in love with Amalthea who was so burnt it wasn’t really her) isn’t because she is exceptionally nice (she’s not, not by human standards) or because she’s so hardworking (she doesn’t work that much in the story, because as a unicorn she doesn’t have to), but because she’s so magnificent, so true, so powerful. Those are Lion traits drawing people to her.

And honestly it makes sense that she’s a Lion secondary. As a unicorn she’s close to all powerful, nothing can touch her. She doesn’t have to put in the work like a Badger, doesn’t have to gather the knowledge like a Bird, and has no use for Snake transforming. I wouldn’t be surprised if all unicorns had a Lion secondary. Honestly I love seeing how non human characters are sorted because they are so different from human characters. 

SCHMENDRICK is a Bird primary. He truly believes in the system of the world working like a fairytale and unlike a lot of stories where this would be a bad thing and disproven at the end, Schmendrick is right about the system. He doesn’t have to learn to be right about the system, he’s right about it from the start and it’s not like he hates how the system works, he loves and finds comfort in it. A lot of great lines go to him. And you can also see Lion primary Molly and Snake primary Lir are questioning just about everything he spouts. 

Molly: “They deserve their fate, they deserve worse. To leave a child out in the snow-” Schmendrick: “Well if they hadn’t then he wouldn’t have grown up to be the hero of all this. That’s the way these things go.” Molly: “But if he’s the hero, what is [The Unicorn]?” Schmendrick: “[You and I] are the tale-but [The Unicorn] is real. [The Unicorn] is real.”

Schmendrick: “If it changes a unicorn into a human being, then that was the only thing to do. I am a bearer, I am a dwelling, I am a messenger-” Molly: “You’re a stupid messenger, and a stupid, stupid magician.”

Lir: “You have to do something.” Schmendrick: “I can’t.” Lir: “Do something. You have power. You changed her into a unicorn. Do something to save her. I will kill if you don’t.” Schmendrick: “Not all the magic in the world can help her now. If she will not fight him, she must go into the sea with the others. Neither magic nor murder will aid her.” Lir: “Then what is magic for? What use is wizardry if it cannot save a unicorn?” Schmendrick: “No-that is what heroes are for.”

Molly: “Oh, the poor man. Poor Lir.” Schemdrick: “It’s not altogether bad. Great heroes need great sorrows and burdens, or half their greatness goes unnoticed.”

(I could quote this book for eons people I swear)

He’s also the one who tells Lir he has to rule over the people of Hagsgate when Lir is two steps away from killing his birth father who says it was good he abandoned Lir so he could one day become king. He thinks that he has done The Unicorn more evil than Mommy Fortuna or Haggard or the Red Bull because he turned her into a human and turned her back into a unicorn. He tries to comfort Lir about The Unicorn by telling him his land is blessed because all the unicorns ran through it in freedom, and how The Unicorn will remember him, “when men are fairytales in books written by rabbits.” (god I love that quote)

As for his secondary, he’s a total Snake secondary. He pickpockets, he lies to villagers about being an actual great wizard, he haggles for good payment in Hagsgate so long as he assassinates Lir (which he has no intention of fulfilling), he lies his way into the castle, when he needs to get the wine to drink itself he just drinks it and gives it to a skeleton who can’t tell the difference between and empty bottle or a bottle of wine. 

There is however one time in the story where Schmendrick drops his rhetoric about how the world works. They’re in the Red Bull’s cavern and Amalthea doesn’t want to become The Unicorn again and wants to stay with Lir.

Schmendrick: “Let it end here. Let her marry the prince and live happily ever after.  Molly: Schemendrick, if we don’t do this there will never be another chance. All the unicorns of the world will remain his prisoners, forever, except one, and she will die. She will grow old and die. Schmendrick: One good woman more in the world is worth every single unicorn gone. Let it end.

This is not what he believes. It’s him tricking Lir, making Lir remember that he is a hero, and to let there be no more unicorns would go against his being a hero. Molly tells him he forced him, and that he did it so he could become a real magician. Schmendrick disagrees. Like a Snake he doesn’t see it as forcing Lir to make a choice, he sees it as the right thing to do, and only way to do it.

MOLLY GRUE, lovely Molly. She is a Lion primary, who was burnt by something in the past, which is probably how she ended up with Captain Cully, and she unburns at the sight of The Unicorn. Molly’s beef with The Unicorn at first is that she never visited her when she was young, despite her love of unicorns. It’s such a Lion primary thing to me to ask something like a unicorn why they never came to her, and then to forgive a unicorn when unicorns are not to be questioned or forgiven. Molly as soon as she learns of The Unicorn’s quest doesn’t even go back to get her things. She leaves right that second with her, saying that her things don’t matter now that she has seen The Unicorn. Molly hears about what the people of Hagsgate did to baby Lir and she is willing to throw down with them right then. 

Lion primary Molly doesn’t want to poke holes in the system of the world. She could care less about understanding the system, she just does things because her moral compass says it’s right. She doesn’t care that ‘unicorns are not to be forgiven’ she’s going to forgive The Unicorn dammit (it’s a pride thing. Molly feels she was wronged even though technically unicorns don’t owe anything to people, pride is also very Lion primary). I 

She has a Badger secondary. When she was burnt she found a community for herself to live/work in-Captain Cully’s Band of Freemen. When she’s in Haggard’s castle she gets a job as the cook and cleaner and puts herself to work to survive. She gets information from the talking stray cat, and she helps out Lir as much as she can, quickly becoming his friend.

PRINCE LIR, is a total Snake primary. He falls hard for Amalthea, and then decides that he’s gonna start doing great deeds and become a hero just so he can woo her. He doesn’t really care for anyone but Amalthea and Molly, he’s willing to kill Schmendrick if he doesn’t save The Unicorn after she’s transformed back into herself. Molly says that Schmendrick reminded Lir that he was a hero, but what Schmendrick really did was remind Lir that he was a hero for Amalthea. 

He’s willing to kill his own birth father for abandoning him, and when he is to be king he talks about how much he hates it because he’ll rule over people he hates and be alone the rest of his life. When he dreams about The Unicorn, and she doesn’t say anything to him, he takes this as her not caring about him like he loved her, a betrayal. The real reason why she didn’t say anything to him is because she remembered him, and his love, and loving him, and cared more about him, but Lir just doesn’t understand that.

His secondary is a Badger. When he falls for Amalthea his idea of courting her is doing great deeds and working to be a hero. He’s slain black knights, basilisks, seas serpents, and five dragons, he’s faced fatal riddles and glass mountains. He starts trying to write poetry after all these fail to touch her. He puts in as much work as he can to try and woo her. He literally sacrifices himself for her, not as a Lion charge, but instead as using his body as a tool. His sacrifice is so that The Unicorn will fight back. 

I will say however that he has a definite Lion performance. It isn’t a model, because he actually doesn’t care about the Lion secondary it’s just him performing as a Lion secondary hero to try and woo Amalthea, which doesn’t work. 

When he’s confiding in Molly he words a Badger secondary in love perfectly, “I want to serve her...I wish to be whatever she has most need of.”

KING HAGGARD is super fucking burnt, and a Snake primary. What he only cares about is trying to be happy, and keeping his unicorns with him. He gets cursed by a witch that one day his castle would sink into the sea with him in it, and his reply was that any good tyrant’s castle needed a curse. He wants to be happy of course but he doesn’t really care if he dies. He dies laughing. The scene where he monologues to Amalthea about how he has all the unicorns is my favorite, and he pretty much gives the perfect description of his primary. 

King Haggard: “All things die when I pick them up. I do not know why they die, but it has always been so, save for the one dear possession that has not turned cold and dull as I guarded it-the only thing that has ever belonged to me.”

King Haggard is greedy. He wants to own things. He wants to have his Snake connections like a healthy unburnt Snake but that doesn’t work. It’s never worked. He found Lir and decided that since he’d never been a father maybe he could have a Snake connection and be happy, but the connection did the same as all his other connections. The connection died, even if Lir didn’t. There is only one thing that has ever brought him the happiness of a Snake connection, and that was the unicorns. It’s a one sided connection, but he does truly love them. He does also have the Red Bull, but we don’t know what that relationship is like and it’s likely he views the Red Bull as more of an extension of himself (in my take of the character that’s how I view it). 

He hoards the unicorns, and in a way that while very Snake Primary is also very Bird secondary. Haggard collects things, and tries them out so that he can figure out what makes him happy. What doesn’t work he usually throws away, and what works (the unicorns) he hoards. He collected Mabruk not in a communal way, but in the way that he would collect a book, and when the book isn’t good enough he throws it away and picks up another. He’s also super fucking smart for a bastard. He explains about how he figured out Amalthea was a unicorn and talks about how her every action no matter how small was his spy.

It’s also a neat parallel that both Lir and Haggard are Snake primaries. The book ends with Lir resigning himself to be as unhappy as Haggard when he loses Amalthea. However, I do think that Lir will probably end up better than Haggard because he had some support from Schmendrick and Molly, and the book ends with a princess being sent to Lir to seek help. Lir will end up a healthy snake. 

So...

The Unicorn - Badger primary that sees immortal creatures as people/Lion secondary, both of these burn when she becomes Amalthea

Schmendrick - Bird primary/Snake secondary

Molly - Previously burned Lion primary, unburns after she sees The Unicorn/Badger secondary

Lir - Snake primary/Badger secondary, Lion secondary performance

Haggard - Burnt Snake primary/Bird secondary

[girllovescomic]

An analysis of our OTP as we go toward the end

With the help of Karen Ly (Twitter), I found this post on Weibo and Google translated it.  I think this really encapsulate what I think of both characters

After watching the 60~63 episodes, my dissatisfaction with the plot has calmed down a bit, not only because the appearance of the king in these episodes is too high (this is the main reason, it is really love every frame of every line) , Also because the behavior logic of most characters can be explained. I think the Hulan episode of 58~59 broke so badly because the changes in Helan Zhen couldn't convince me at all. It was not like he could do it.

Let me talk about Xiao Qi first. Since the battle of Neem Hayama, I have been thinking about his return. I know it will be good, but it is better than I imagined again. Has Xiao Qi changed? Yes, it is not. Xiao Qi is a person with extremely strong inner world and self-awareness. He has gone all the way from the Cambrian to an extremely human minister. No matter how the outside world changes, he can hardly shake his self-constructed spiritual world. He knew exactly what he wanted along the way. He was a hero with the world in mind. Power and status were never the goals he pursued, but the means to help him achieve his ideals, so neither threat nor temptation would let him shake. This is why Wang Lin said that he always looked at people accurately, but he misunderstood Xiao Qi. After all, this son-in-law is not a mortal. From the time when he entered Beijing to be the king to the Lianyu Mountain Incident, Xiao Qi's attitude towards the royal family and the nobles of the Manchu clan was always neither humble nor overbearing, courteous and courteous. After being aware of the emperor’s scruples about his merits, he took the initiative to resign. . He is always smart, sober and restrained. After the return, he did not accept the order twice, and the face of the king did not worship the palace with the sword. He was arrogant and domineering, watching the world, just like the two of the past restraint and forbearance. But when Xiao Qi, who had restrained his modesty at the beginning, could ever afford these nobles? Today, he just didn't hesitate to hide his contempt and anger, for the sake of the dead Ning Shuo soldier, and for his ideals and beliefs. Xiao Qi is a person who has always acted in accordance with his inner rules, and this has never changed. In the past, he thought that by being close to the center of power, he could better realize the ideal of guarding his family and protecting the country and allowing the people to live and work in peace. After Xie Shouzheng's corruption incident and close talks with Zilong, he has realized that the corruption of the court and the family is a chronic disease. It is difficult to heal, so the meaning of retreat was born. Xiao Qi before Lian Yushan should be struggling. Although returning to Ningshuo was far away from the power struggle, he could only keep one side of the country safe and farther away from his great cause. The tragedy of Mt. Neem changed everything. The moment God of War, Xiao Qi, looked hollow and confused. In addition to his extremely overdrawn body, there was probably a collapse of faith and despair of the country and court he tried to protect.

The next few episodes are completely depressive. Xiao Qi is silent. In a one-man show with almost no lines, he cried silently. He galloped in the wilderness, he looked up at the sky in the courtyard, he was by the river. Pressing his forehead lightly against the horse, he grieves, angers, reflects, reconstructs his will, and strengthens his determination to revenge. The accumulated power reaches people's hearts through the screen. With such a layer upon layer of progressive paving, the outbreak after the return is extremely hearty. Xiao Qi came back, and he couldn't get through according to your rules in the past, so just follow my rules and see if any of you has the ability to stop me.

Similarly, the scenes after the return were progressive. When they were refused entry into Ningshuo City, they lowered their stance, were polite and courteous, and had a sincere attitude. When they saw Ningshuo soldiers swearing allegiance to the death, it was hard to hide their excitement. The voice choked for a while, this was the first emotional vent since Neem Yushan suppressed Yin Ren. When I saw Wyen (I love this scene very much, I repeatedly brushed it), the short conversation undercurrents surged and was extremely wonderful. Xiao Qi's eyes staring at Wyan were a little bit probing at first (want to see how many shadows there were in Wyan in the past), and gradually became cold (are you here to welcome me or stop me), and then became threatening and provocative ( Who will do it this time, is it you, Su Yibo), mentioning that Guanglie and Soldier Ningshuo are uncontrollable anger (this is the second emotional vent), and then return to calm, the disappointment and steel The same unchangeable will is chilling. I always felt that Liu Duanduan's interpretation was a bit too much, but this scene was also excellent, and the process of Wyan's inner anxiety, hesitation, and final break was very complete.

This period of entering the city was another highlight moment, and the whole confrontation was relaxed, and it was repeated several times. Personally, my favorite is the body language of the king in this scene, which is really domineering every time he raises his hand and turns around. Hearing the order to accept the order, he slightly leaned over to help the grandmother who was about to kneel down, stepped forward slowly, stopped sideways, and took the order, resolutely and beyond doubt. A few actions have made people see the aggressive attitude of King Yuzhang after his return. He just wants to clearly tell the emperor and these officials that his patience has been exhausted, and he will not leave them half face or give them any more. They stayed a little bit of retreat until the truth was found out and the real murderer came to the rescue. After Ma San arrived, he seemed to be holding a low posture, but in fact he was always in front of him. The connotation of his words is that Xiao Qi led soldiers to threaten the monarchy, committing chaos (you bring 100,000 soldiers, I will agree to anything you want), and put yourself in morals The commanding heights place Xiao Qi unrighteous, thereby confuses the public and avoids Xiao Qi's questioning of Lian Yushan. The confrontation was pushed to the apex when he said "Fight against me until King Yu Zhang is satisfied". At this time, Xiao Qi still looked directly at Ma San, his eyes were not evasive, but he took a deep breath that was hardly noticeable. , Looked up slightly, he was suspicious and inquiring about Ma San, and the anger at him for putting himself here was expressed vividly and vividly in this slight look up. After Wang Su quickly handed everyone a step and got a promise that he could self-check the truth, he took the opportunity to give in, bowed his head, and the confrontation ended. The rhythm of the subtleties is too good.

Talking about entering the hall in white, all the restraints in the front have been pave the way for the most heartfelt lift. As he approached the throne step by step, he was like an angry lion, showing the air of a king. Ma San was forced by such a momentum, his eyes were evasive, and his inner fear was self-evident. Here is an interruption of Wyan's eyes, which are worship, shock, and loss. He probably realized that he would never be able to surpass Xiao Qi. Then, it came to the monologue on Xiaoqi Hall. This paragraph kicked me to the bottom of the pit and never wanted to come out again. This third emotional catharsis directly pushed the contradictions to the peak. The anger, grief, and contempt for the nobles since Mt. Neem poured out like a rainbow, and finally received a meaningful look in front of the throne. At that time, he was as dangerous as a black panther waiting for an opportunity.

Should such Xiao Qi be proclaimed emperor? There are many voices on the Internet questioning that Xiao Qi’s retreat is the "heart of the Father" and the collapse of human design. I think this is a simple and rude categorization in the Internet age. The term "personal design" is even more annoying. How can the complexity of human nature be summed up with a simple facial makeup? Everything needs to be viewed in the context of an era. Monarchs and ministers are the head of the five Confucian ethics. The usurpation of the king and the killing of the emperor must be a shame in the history books. Even big ambitious people like Cao Cao have scruples. Need to hold the emperor to make the princes. The founding emperors who have changed dynasties in the past have all found various so-called apocalypses and signs to prove that the previous dynasties are exhausted. For Xiao Qi, a hero who takes the responsibility of defending his family and the country and has the world in his heart, he should not be easy to make such a choice. This is not the so-called Father's Heart, nor loyalty, but is restricted by the value system of that era. Of course, Xiao Qi is by no means a pedantic person, otherwise there would be no such thing as instigating many feudal vassals to ask for the gift of nine tins. The key is to see what he ultimately wants to achieve. For a person like him who follows his inner rules, I am curious how Zhou Yiwei will perform and convince us of his final choice.

Let's talk about Awu. Although I still feel that many details of the plot cannot withstand scrutiny, the direction of the character Awu is generally logical. First of all, Awu is not an ordinary woman. She has independent self-awareness and values. The love between her and Xiao Qi is based on the mutual attraction of two independent personalities. The other party. Such a woman naturally has a bigger pattern. She understands Xiao Qi's ideals. She was born in a family and was perfectly protected since she was a child. She didn't realize the taste of betrayal until she was involved in her father's plot and trade as a pawn. I think a drama review I watched before is very well written, to the effect that Awu’s noble spiritual world makes her not disdain to participate in the conspiracy, or even hate those who hurt her (such as Su Jin’er, more It is disgust, that she is a poor person). She hated her for the first time when she thought that He Lanzhen killed Xiao Qi. Xiao Qi is her bottom line, so she will do everything she can to die with him. Regarding the queen mother, after guessing that the emperor's uncle was murdered by her, Awu kept alienating her; after returning to Beijing, she felt compassionate when she saw the tragedy of the queen mother. This is also very controversial on the Internet, but after all, the layout of Neem Hayama has not been fully investigated, and it is understandable to have pity for the aunt who watched him grow up. (Of course, I didn't convince myself too much. There were still omissions in the plot. Ordinarily, she and Xiao Qi should be able to see the role of the queen mother). To Ma San, she was shocked to a large extent. After all, she grew up with her childhood sweetheart. She probably couldn't believe that he had become like this. She chose not to tell Xiao Qi not because she wanted to let Ma San go, but because she didn't think about what the consequences of this incident would be, and how this consequence would affect Xiao Qi and the situation in the world. So I don’t think that the hostess is overwhelmed by the heart of the Virgin. Her response to these people is different, and the way of coping is also considered according to different situations. Regarding the truth about Neem Yushan, she did have a disagreement with Xiao Qi. In the play, she mentioned letting go twice, one was when she went to Beijing to talk at home after returning to the government, hoping that Xiao Qi would not kill more after finding out the truth; Bian, asked Xiao Qi if he could put aside the things in front of him and live his own life. Two times, Xiao Qi didn't agree, he never gave her a promise that she couldn't make (here again). I think it is reasonable to think this way from the perspective of Auntie. First of all, she could not fully understand Xiao Qi’s brotherhood of life and death towards Ning Shuo’s soldiers. Second, she could not fully understand Xiao Qi’s pain and hatred unless he had personally experienced the affairs of Yushan. (On this matter, probably only Hu Yao Understand the king, please refer to See the eyes of the king and Hu Yao reuniting). So I think that although Ah Wu can understand Xiao Qi's ideals of the world on a large scale, he does not fully understand Xiao Qi's will and determination to revenge. She is afraid of the prospect of the rain coming, she is afraid of losing Xiao Qi, and also afraid that Xiao Qi will go on the road of murdering the king for revenge, and even more afraid of the bloody wind that will follow, which change of dynasty in history It didn't come by walking on the sea of ​​blood. However, this disagreement does not mean that the love between 57 has faded. In fact, their lives have been more deeply blended together (Auntie said, you are the most important person in my life; Xiao Qi said, to you never change). Auntie chose to stand with Xiao Qi on key matters. For example, when she entered Beijing, she refused to help Wang Yu persuade Xiao Qi, and followed Xiao Qi twice to bow down. (Here I want to emphasize the background of the times and not follow the rule of the monarch Ceremony is to pretend to be a big deal). He loves her, so he understands and tolerates her care for the family to the greatest extent; she loves him, even if she does not fully understand, she will respect his choice. This is the love between adults without blood.

Other characters who have the same acting online include the prime minister who is always conscientious in his career, and the queen mother who has hysteria to get up and pull his enemies into the water, finally wakes up to the elder brother who is firm in his career, and even the black line of love and brains, Ma San, their wonderful makes My resentment for the first episode of Hulan has fallen, and I moved a small bench to wait for the last 5 episodes...

[zachsgamejournal]

PLAYING: Breath of Fire 3

So we're getting really close to beating the game. I can not wait till this is over. It's weird to want games to end, but games like this with a clear linear plot can too easily overstay their welcome. Truly, BoF3 doesn't really have enough mythology to warrant 40 hours, but they do their best to stretch it...

SO - we get the sea chart to the legendary mariner. I have no idea how to look at the sea chart, so I looked on the internet. We found the mysterious "section" and there's this maze of navigable waters, but you have about 30 seconds to get to the legendary mariner.

...it just hit me that the sea chart is the mini-map during this section...

This took a few tries. I felt bad for my son, having to watch me fail. I was also getting frustrated, because I didn't want to waste his time. I got to the house with 1 second left, but I wasn't facing the right direction, so we had to start over. This made my son extremely mad. We had to set the game down and discuss feeling frustrated. It seems my own frustration was fueling his. So we talked out our feelings and got on the same page about how to proceed.

Then we got it on the next try!!

Legendary Mariner admits he didn't actually sail across the sea. Forget how he came, actually... He says the only way to get across is to use the Black Ship. I mean...duh. So we ram the Black Ship and begin one of my favorite sections from when I was a kid.

For some reason, I thought the ship was filled with more mini-games and puzzles. Not so much, which is good--so we can keep the story moving. There's an obligatory boss fight and then we reach the other side. Not as mind blowing as I remember, but still a cool idea for a "medieval fantasy" game.

We find some folks working an industrialized dock and they seem really confused by our presence. I don't spend much time here and move on. The characters make a comment about the people not seeming human.

...are they androids?

Next, we find a factory. I'm really annoyed at this point. CAN WE JUST FINISH THE GAME?! We get it, the machines come from here...

We then find a new place with an Antenna. Wonder what that is? Inside is a transporter room Nina, Rei, and Honey used to escape the castle. How interesting...We decide to activate it. The puzzle here was borderline intimidating but it turned out to not be so bad. We get it activated and are auto-zipped back to steel beach.

My son was not happy about this. He wants to move forward, not backward.

A quick recalibration of the antenna using a cool minigame, trying to point away from static signals, and we're back to the other side.

But this time we go to Dragnier. Turns out, this place is filled with The Brood that have surrendered their powers to become human. It was an attempt to hide from the Goddess and Guardians...why they hid on the same side of the sea as the Goddess, I'm not sure. But after a creepy scene of an old man trying to get girls to kiss him in exchange for information, Ryu is granted the ultimate dragon power: Infinity.

The citizens of Dragnier have been expecting Ryu and they believe he will be their savior, and avenge their defeat at the hands of the Goddess. Why they didn't kill the Goddess at full force?...Anyway, Nina is concerned about whether Ryu is a "good" or "bad" dragon. The elder Dragnier laughs. Dragons are neither good or bad. Basically, they're just people. But they're also very powerful and could destroy the world if they chose. The Goddess feared this power...maybe, I don't know...

Next comes the desert part. This part is clever. You have to walk across a desert using the stars for navigation. You also have limited water supply. Walking during the day exhausts more energy, so walk at night. This sequence takes a looong time, and it's easy to mess up. I respected this part, but I didn't want to waste too much time with my son walking.

So I looked up a short cut and set the emulator into fast-forward mode. (Emulators are the best way to play).

On the other side of the desert, there's a boss fight and Nina is overcome with heat exhaustion. So we have to kill our Yakda to help her heal. This is an interesting part because the Yakda is the only way to save yourself from the desert. So you're basically committing to never returning to safety. While BoF3 isn't necessarily a well-told story of deep characters, I'm always impressed with how few punches they pull. The game creates a lot of touch scenarios, with complicated motivations and morality.

Anyway, we find a village, that may feature some racist grammar stylings. They help Nina and the team recover then refer us to the "ruins" of Caer Xhan. There, we find a futuristic city with paved roads, automatic doors, and laser traps. Simple puzzle and we activate an elevator to the Orbital Station Myria.

We're in the Endgame now.

After crossing the ocean, the game's pacing is a little weird. Everywhere you go is a quick stop, and you don't normally return to these locations. Very much unlike the starting side of the game, where you're constantly returning to the same locations over, and over again. It makes the game feel a bit uneven. While I like retracing my foot steps as an adult and seeing how things changed, it was a little too excessive. And now there's a whole half of the world that's never been seen, and we're barely stopping for a breather before moving on.

Really, I think once you cross the ocean, that just needs to be the ending chapter. All this expectation of meeting God and it's just one delay after another. The other side of the sea could have combined several dungeons and story beats (Dock, factory, transporter) -- and then arrive at Dragnier, and finally cross the desert to the ruins.

We'll see what we get done tonight!

[llendrinall]

Omg what if Draco was also a spy for Dumbledore? Like imagine him biting his tongue when everyone is hateful and cruel to him cuz he's gonna have the last laugh when it comes out he was a spy. And in this version Percy still fucks off. Draco stays behind cuz he wants to see everyones reactions (especially his asshole boss that made his life fucking hell) He could be a seer in this and secretly became friends with Harry during Hogwarts. Idk, add whatever you want ❤

Ha! I don’t know why that “Idk” at the end made me laugh.

I have different mental versions of Draco. I can see him more or less happy, more or less certain of what he wants to do or of his relationship to the wizarding world. Other things are fixed, they are the things that make him Draco and appear in all versions of him, like:

1.- He can draw. He might have more or less practice, but he can draw pretty well.

2.- He is smart in the sense of doing very well academically, being able to understand something instantly. He doesn’t need to put many study hours, so he doesn’t.

3.- He doesn’t like Dumbledore. Regardless of his relationship to his father and Voldemort, he just doesn’t like Dumbledore as a person. It has nothing to do with how Dumbledore treats people (although that certainly doesn’t help) it’s more visceral. Just like some people will look at an actor or celebrity and go “no, I do not find Jimmy Fallon funny and can’t tell you why”. This is the same.

So Draco would never become a spy for Dumbledore. Dumbledore’s spy, hell no.

However, at some point Draco looks at Voldemort’s white flabby face and thinks “oh, no, I’m not doing this.” He decides he is going to work against Voldemort, but with whom?

(Draco is very proud of knowing when to use “whom” and also lives in fear of getting it wrong).

Draco has to find someone who can be an actual challenge against Voldemort. The Ministry is out because they are stupid, incompetent and infiltrated to the brim. And who else is there? Potter? Draco goes to class with Potter. He has seen how he spells, meaning both his charm use (Potter knows one a half spells and that’s it) and his orthography. He simply can’t consider Potter a serious contender against Voldemort. Nothing against him, Draco actually, (secretly) kind of likes the guy, but Voldemort can read minds, knows all kind of ancient magic and performs incredibly complex curses and conjurations.

Draco has seen Potter lick ice-cream out of his t-shirt.

If Draco wants to get rid of Voldemort, there is only Dumbledore. Draco doesn’t spy for him. He does nothing regarding Dumbledore that involves the preposition ”for”.

But he shares information. There is a “to” in there. Give information to Dumbledore. He can do that. Draco is quite smart, so he is able to deduce Voldemort’s strategy from little clues. He knows about Voldemort’s quest for information (both for the prophecy and the elder wand) months in advance.

This does not happen in the same universe as Percy Ministry Spy, but Percy is acting as a spy nevertheless. This means that Dumbledore has a pretty easy run setting his plans in motion and ensuring Voldemort’s defeat. It also means that he suffers though some absolutely miserable months which probably have something to do with his enthusiasm for the let-Draco-kill-me plan.

Each and every interaction with Draco is a reeling experience. Draco is not handing the information for nothing. He wants Voldemort dead by next month and when Dumbledore doesn’t deliver, he complains. He complains (note the italics). Draco doesn’t ask for the manager because there isn’t one, but he actually asks if Dumbledore has any older siblings Draco could talk to. You could say Draco acts entitled, demanding and full of expectations, but those words mean nothing. Draco breathes past entitlement to land somewhere between “Angel of Vengeance” and “Greek fury”, only instead of a flaming sword or claws, he has attitude and an excellent command of grammar. What a horrible little child.  

Meanwhile, Snape has developed the habit of twisting every conversation so he can say “pity you don’t have any other orphan available to sacrifice” and “oh, if only we had a child to endanger” and “yes, but how can we solve this by killing a child?”. It is very rich coming from him. Dumbledore is not amused. Apparently there is a line for Severus Snape and that line is drawn when sacrificing oneself for the greatest good.

(“Ah, but it is not yourself who will do the sacrifice, is it?” Snape says, and a week later Dumbledore tells Draco that of course he will let him kill him. Draco scoffs and rolls his eyes as if somehow that wasn’t enough).

And then, there is Percy Weasley. Neither Snape nor Draco are supposed to know about him, but they both know and it is unclear how. Probably Percy himself let them know (no, he didn’t). He would do something like that (no, he wouldn’t). Percy is a horrid nightmare (he… he may be). Dumbledore despises him (and how!). Snape will talk about Dumbledore not doing the greater sacrifice but Dumbledore honestly can’t think of anything worse than working with Percival Weasley.

(70% of Dumbledore’s dislike comes from the suspicion that Percy might be two or three points more intelligent than him. After almost a century used to being the most intelligent person in the room by far, Dumbledore does not like this new scenario. He misses Grindelwald.)

Dumbledore dies. Then so does Potter (briefly), followed quickly by Voldemort (permanently). Surprisingly, Snape also jumps into this dying fashion until he thinks better about it and survives, although severely wounded. Percy doesn’t die but as soon as the battle had ended and all Death Eaters are either dead or apprehended, he dissaparates right there from the Hogwarts grounds.

He sends a postcard to Draco a month later, which is kind of nice. There is also one for Snape and Draco props it next to the vase of flowers by his sickbed.

Thus begins the After-War.

By day two, Draco understands why Weasley left so quickly. It is a fucking disaster. Potter has to plant himself by Snape’s bed to stop the Ministry from arresting him. The man is barely coherent and barely alive and yet they wanted to interrogate him and transport him to a holding cell. The Ministry. The ones who allowed themselves to be infiltrated.

It is perhaps unsurprising that when the Ministry sends a hastily formed examining tribunal to Hogwarts, so students can sit their OWLs and NEWTs in August, the examining tribunal refuses Draco.

Draco doesn’t particularly care. He is rich enough that he doesn’t need to work and, in any case, once they finally start proper investigations and find Dumbledore’s trove of notes and testimonies in his sealed will, Draco will be exonerated and recognized as the hero he is. This insult or punishment, whatever you call the Tribunal’s unfair treatment of him, doesn’t hurt. Draco is immune to their attacks.

Soon after, he receives a letter from bloody Hermione Granger saying of course he can sit his exams, they expect him on Tuesday at ten. McGonagall will be there to put the fear of herself on the Tribunal and ensure they are fair.

And… he appreciates her intervention, he really does. Awfully nice of her. True moral backbone. It’s just that… Draco actually enjoyed the insult? He realizes now that he only attempted to sit the exams because he expected them to say no.

He sits the exams and aces them. They are particularly hard in the last one, the astronomy test. McGonagall coughs three times, rolls her eyes and finally says “bloody enough, don’t you think? He has shown he knows the material.” He sends her a handwritten thank-you letter just to be annoying.

Draco realizes that his behavior is very odd, but given that Weasley has fucked off to somewhere and that Snape refuses to heal so he won’t have to talk to people, Draco believes he is entitled to some oddities of his own. Thus, he begins collecting insults. From the low-brow and simple “Death-Eater scum” to the vitriolic “murderer”. The best, and the worst, are the ones that don’t come wrapped in words. Shunning and discrimination. Oh! He can’t explain it, but they taste tart and sweet.

He likes it. Not the dismissing, no, but the idea that they don’t know him and that their judgment of him is wrong. If that means they will also wrong him and treat him badly, so be it. It doesn’t change that he and Snape and Percy Weasley, are the heroes of the war.

He applies to a mediwizard program and is naturally denied. Then he tries a traineeship at the Wizengamot, also denied. Just for the fun of it, he applies to the Auror Office and receives a wonderful letter of rejection that has an actual dead spider inside the envelope.

It has been three months since the end of the war, now, and Weasley refuses to let himself be found. Snape barely manages to stay awake for three hours, and only with Draco. Evidently the stress of the war did a number on them, so it’s perfectly understandable if Draco keeps prodding and asking and applying to things knowing full well that he will get a resounding “no”.

You would think this was some sort of atonement for his past misbehavior and his admittedly awfully narrow views and even more abysmal manners regarding muggleborns. But Draco is quite sure he atoned for all of that when he lied to Voldemort’s face and, more terrifyingly, he lied to Aunt Bella’s face, stole their secrets and passed them to Dumbledore. He doesn’t need to punish himself any more.

No, it’s just… it’s just hard. He has spent three years with a carefully crafted lie as his only protection. It is not so easy to discard it. He liked that lie. It kept him alive.

And then, come October, the Ministry takes Malfoy Manor and all associated assets. Just like that. Puff. Seized. They haven’t even begun an official investigation on Draco, but they have taken his house as a precaution.

Now it’s personal.

It turns out that Draco is a vindictive asshole, who would have guessed? Probably everyone but him. Doesn’t matter. He will make them pay. The Ministry, the papers who ran the headline about Draco becoming homeless and the people who cut the page and framed it. They will regret it.

He moves into Snape’s ugly cottage because he has no other place to go and if Snape has any objections, he can say so when he pleases. Oh? He can’t talk? Too bad, then.

The Ministry has also seized his funds and Draco draws a line at using Snape’s meager savings (he assumes they are meager, he hasn’t actually checked) so he gets a job in the only place that would employ him: a seedy tea shop in the North side of Diagon Alley. The only reason the owner hired him was because the previous assistant tried to burn the place down and he was in a bit if a rush to find a replacement. After a week, Draco understands why someone would want to burn the place down, and that’s before his boss realizes that Draco is drawing a small crowd of people who like seeing him serving tables. From then on, he takes to screaming and insulting Draco for absolutely everything before turning to his customers with a smug smile.

Every time he or any of the customers complains, Draco smiles a cheap version of the smiles he used to give Voldemort and vows. Sometimes their words sting and sometimes they break against his armor. He lives in a weird state between immunity and pain.

Dumbledore’s actual true will, to be open by Hermione J. Granger (funny how he didn’t address it to Potter) is found in late December. Given the state of the Ministry, Draco expects that they will only get around summoning Granger by early February at best.

Weasley sends another postcard around Christmas. This one comes with an address, in case either he or Snape also want to drop everything and fuck off, he supposes. Draco writes back explaining he is bidding his time to exact just retribution over all those who wronged him and Snape is in no condition to travel. Weasley writes, well, he doesn’t write, he sends a third postcard with quite a nice drawing of a thumbs up.

Snape can now sit up and read the paper. He still can’t get a single sound out, but he can manage sighing in a very meaningful way. They receive another summon to have Snape declare before a Tribunal and he groans before passing out and staying unconscious the next two days.

All things considered, Draco is evidently the one coping better so he feels he can afford a little extravagant behavior like sitting in front of a mirror and practicing his own sighs of heroic suffering for when the vindication comes.

It comes in March.

The world goes absolutely insane. People knew that Snape had done… something, mostly because Potter had very obnoxiously advocated on his behalf.

(Potter is so obnoxious. He comes every Tuesday to Draco’s tea shop and asks for a cup of tea that he barely touches and stays there for an hour saying nothing).

But they had no idea of the extent Snape’s involvement. None. All the curses he surreptitiously knocked aside, all the misfired spells. It wasn’t just gaining Voldemort’s trust and acting on Dumbledore’s plans, he, Snape, personally saved two dozen lives with none the wiser. He was so good at acting covertly!

That should be enough to make any good newspaper editor foam in their mouth, but there is more. There is Weasley, going twenty steps ahead and being ridiculously clever and talented and just… knowing what to do. There is already a shrine to him in Coleraine because he did something very important there and the locals were merely waiting to find a name to put to it. Percy Weasley has been declared tax exempt in all of Ireland.  

Draco merely has a meager thirteen lives saved on his ledger, but he also has three years of cleverly betraying Voldemort. It doesn’t look like much, but once details emerge of how he stole information and passed it to Dumbledore, the whole thing becomes charming. Double-o-Drac-o, is what the muggleborns are calling him. Snape assures him it’s a good thing, but he doesn’t elaborate because he is a bastard who pretends that writing tires him horribly.

Snape wasn’t planning on surviving the war and for the first time in years he is unprepared. He deals with it by trying to shut the world off. If he wasn’t so weak from his wounds, Draco is quite certain that he would have buggered off to wherever Weasley is now, to sit on the sun and be silent together. He certainly does not appreciate the wizarding world’s earnest interest in him. You would think that the fact that he can’t (or, at this point, won’t) speak would deter them a bit, but it only adds to Snape’s tragic charm. Some women and many young men are particularly attracted by it. Fortunately, Draco has only had to chase two of them out of the house because even though Snape can’t say a word, he remains very skilled at non-verbal magic so he hexes every journalist and deranged fan that has the misfortune of coming close to him. Meanwhile, Weasley doesn’t want to be found (“nooooo” says his last postcard, Draco is a bit worried at the lack of capitalization) and has a ten-month head start. He won’t be found.

This means there is only Draco. Shameful bronze medal in the saving-lives business, but with a delicious aura of cleverness and bravery, a whole year of suffering in silence during the post-war, and a face that was made to be dramatically lighted, photographed and printed in the front page.

Wil you answer our questions, Mister Malfoy? Oh, but he will, he will answer every one of their questions and give all details. No one has given so much, sacrificed so much, suffered so much as him.

“I literally died, Malfoy.”

“And I couldn’t afford dying, Potter. I had to survive. Now, get out, these people have some more questions.”

Potter has moved from coming every Tuesday to the stupid tea shop to visiting them at Snape’s cottage. Draco only lets him in because he might annoy Snape into talking. Plus, he is nimble, he can avoid all of Snape’s hexes and the extra exercise will do Snape good.

His relationship with Potter is… strange, but fittingly so. Everything else has been weird lately, why not this? Potter had always elicited interest, but once people learn that Dumbledore had more or less raised him for the slaughter and that when Potter found out he nevertheless went ahead and died, the press and the public in general goes even more rabid. You would think that with so many shocking stories the scandals would dull each other. But, far from that, the public is on fire, incensed, and each piece of news is kindling for the flames.

Potter, unfortunately, does not have a photogenic face (he tends to look like a sad lost deer in all pictures) and all the attention stresses him out. Draco offers him a mutually beneficial deal: Draco will take care of the press for him and Potter will stop the Ministry from returning the manor and his fortune.

“How is that beneficial?”

“I want to tell the press that they took it from me with no evidence before they have the chance to hand it back.”

“Ah, fair enough.” Potter says. He does not seem to be a big fan of the Ministry, which is a pity because this time the Minister is not attempting to kill him, use him, or run a smear campaign against him, unlike the previous ones. It seems that the odd behavior isn’t restricted to Weasley, Snape and him. The other Weasley (Ronald), Granger and Potter are also displaying oddities. Mostly, there is a lot of yelling at the Ministry (Granger) and at every single adult who ever interacted with Potter (Weasley, Ron). Potter isn’t doing any yelling, but he has taken to following Draco around and chatting at Snape.

(No, not “to” or “with”, “at”. He chats at Snape and Snape suffers in silence having accepted that Potter will deflect every hex thrown his way).

Draco doesn’t judge. He is still working at the horrible tea shop with the even more horrible and petty owner (who has no idea how to treat Draco now and spends every waking second alternating between insults and clumsy flattery) simply because he wants to lord over the Ministry that they took his house and money. If Potter feels like he has to follow Draco and harass Snape into making a full recovery, so be it.

There is, of course, the question of Weasley (Ronald) wanting to know where the only tolerable Weasley (Percy) is. Draco doesn’t tell, despite having his address on postcard number 2. That would be a betrayal bigger than anything he did to Voldemort. He could never do that to a person who managed to annoy Dumbledore so much.

What he does is sit down with two cups of tea and explain to Weasley (Ronald) what his brother did and what he went through and why he might not want to interact with any one he knows when, instead, he could be lying face down on a nudist beach in Spain. It helps. Weasley (Ronald) doesn’t track his brother down, but he manages to get him to reply to his letters. He is overjoyed.

The news about having lost his ancestral home and fortune come out and people are adequately irate. He enjoys it, but not as much as he expected. Some people squirm and blush and walk into doors with the embarrassment of how badly they judged him. Some even apologize to his face which is frankly disrespectful because then Draco has to be civil to them. Overall it is unsatisfying. He wants more, but he doesn’t know what he wants.

He almost accepts one of the multiple offers he keeps receiving to enter this or that prestigious program. He would make a good a lawyer. Fortunately, Weasley (the cool one) talks him out of it via postcard. The postcard has nothing written on it other than a smiley face (evidently the brother talks are going well) but it shakes something inside him.

This gives him the idea of apologizing to Longbottom (extremely uncomfortable for both of them) and Granger, who gets him in a number or boards and committees as punishment. Draco competes to be the most disliked person in each committee, which is hard because Granger is in some of them. She asks for immediate liberation of house-elves and a transition program for them and Draco finds himself demanding (just like he did with Dumbledore, full of bile and entitlement) historic reparations. Each blood-line who ever held a house-elf will contribute proportionally to the transition program. He gets death threats over it, it’s great.

Two years after the end of the war, Draco finds himself back in his manor, with most of his money (he doubled his contribution to the elf fund because then the families who want to wash their names would have to do the same) and, mysteriously, Harry Potter in his bed. He has no idea how that happened. He is quite certain he was too busy being a little shit to seduce anyone. Was he seduced when he wasn’t looking? How dare he?

He also has half a dozen very important postcards on his mantelpiece. The only thing he doesn’t have is an ex-Death Eater, ex-potion professor, living in his mansion because the old bastard finally got well enough to say “bugger off, both of you” and then fled to Ireland where the nice Weasley has got a nice little cottage of his own.  

[rocksandrobots]

Of Rocks and Robots Ch. 21 - Fishing Trip

"So what do you wanna do this weekend?" Hiro asked Varian.

The other boy only shrugged his shoulders as he had no idea.

It was Friday and they were both walking home from school while trying to make plans for the weekend. All of their other friends were either away or busy due to Father's Day coming up. Fred was going to accompany his dad on a mission. Gogo was driving down to her father's for a few days. Wasabi had bought plane tickets to fly back to his hometown of Seattle. Karmi went back upstate for the weekend with her parents, and Megan was still grounded, but had a full day planned to butter up her dad. Even Honey Lemon was going home to spend time with her abuelo.

This left Varian feeling a little awkward. In Corona they had a Guardians Day, which was meant for both parents or caretakers in general, but for Varian it was always a day for just him and his dad to spend time together. One of the few times in the year when his father wouldn't work in the field, or go to market, or have business at court.

Varian knew precisely what a day like Father's Day meant and how special time spent with the man who raised you could be. He envied his friends, but mostly, knowing this would be the second year without his dad pained him.

In a way, he was thankful that Hiro shared his delima. Though he certainly wouldn't have wished his predicament upon anyone, it was still somewhat comforting to know that he wasn't alone.

They were a less than a block away from the Lucky Cat, still discussing things to do, when a sleek car pulled to a stop beside them. The window rolled down to reveal a man with blonde hair, a large nose, and a wide smile. He was wearing a plaid shirt and a tan floppy hat.

"Hey Hiro! Go grab your overnight bag and some sunscreen!" He joyously ordered. "Your new brother, cousin, thingy too. We're going fishing!"

Varian could only look on confused, he didn't know this man nor why he wanted to him and Hiro to go on a fishing trip with him. However, Hiro apparently did know him and was also apparently not onboard with this idea at all. He stood with his mouth a gape with a look of horror in his eyes.

After processing this terrible news, Hiro could only sputter out, "But.. but why?"

The man in the vehicle began to offhandedly list his reasons. "Because fishing by oneself isn't any fun unless there's someone else around to show off to. Because I had an awful childhood, whose own father would never take fishing, and now I'm living vicariously through you. Also, you're still my intern and for the rest of the year, I still own you."

The man flashed another wide grin and Varian began to put the pieces together. This must be Krei. Owner of Krei Tech, the man in charge of the portals that brought him here, and also Hiro's boss. Though, this new revelation did nothing to stem the confusion in his mind. He couldn't for life of him see why he was being invited along on the trip nor did he understand Hiro's objections.

"But...but...b, but…" Hiro suttered desperately trying to think of way out of going.

"No buts! I've already talk with your aunt and got her permission, reserved the campsite, and I even bought you both fishing poles!" Still grinning, he reached down beside him and lifted the new poles up for Hiro and Varian to see.

Hiro let out a wordless half groan, half whine in defeat, before turning around and slumping towards the cafe. Varian blinked and looked back and forth between the two of them unsure what to do. Krei waved to him cheerfully, clearly excited for the upcoming trip, and Varian numbly waved back before deciding to follow Hiro and pack his own bag.

                                               ----------------------------

Varian found himself enjoying the fishing trip more than he had expected. The first day was spent mainly getting there and setting up the campsite. The second day was spent fishing, exploring, and just taking in the scenery.

Varian had been allowed to bring Ruddiger along, as Hiro had also brought Baymax. His pet was overjoyed to be back in his natural environment and Varian had to admit that he felt more at home here in the great outdoors than in the crowded streets of San Fansokyo. The big city was fascinating but he'd always be a simple farm boy at heart.

Krei felt much the same way. The businessman hadn't been raised in the countryside the way Varian had, but he had a great love of camping, fishing, and being out in nature. His passion stemmed from childhood summers spent on vacation at something called 'summer camp'.

Varian found he got along with older man well. They spent the ride up chatting about science and it's more practical applications, spent the trip sharing wilderness tips, and fishing out in Krei's boat. Fishing had never been Varian's favorite activity, but he now found a new sense of nostalgia for it and the praise Krei would send his way whenever he caught one helped to fuel his enjoyment of the sport even more. Plus he got a chance to show off his cooking skills after they had cleaned their catch. Not the most pleasant task ever, but Varian could stomach it much better than butchering other kinds of meat.

Hiro however did not enjoy fishing, or camping, or anything to do with the outdoors really. The other teen mostly sulked the whole trip. When he wasn't busy gagging at the worms used for bait or getting scared by the unfamiliar sounds of the local wildlife that is. Mainly he stuck close to Baymax and the tent, bored out his mind and annoyed he had been forced to come long. Varian's enthusiasm only aggravated him further and, if he was being honest with himself, he was a little jealous by how easy things came to the other boy. He'd spent half a year trying to get on Krei's good side and impress him, while Varian had managed it in mere minutes of meeting the CEO.

The only time Hiro came out of his grumpy shell was at night, when they built a campfire and roasted marshmallows. Varian had never had smores before, but they were tasty, if also sticky and a little too sweet. Ruddiger however went nuts over the fluffy sweets and had to be kept from stealing the whole bag of them. Hiro didn't really care one way or the other about the traditional treat, but was more than eager to share ghost stories with the rest of the group. Gleefully recalling with gory detail about the spirit of an ax murderer who apparently stalked the woods. Perhaps it was a little vindictive of him, to try his best and scare the other teen, but Hiro couldn't help filling a little thrill whenever Varian gave a little jump or clutched his pet raccoon even tighter in comfort.

Keri was only amused by the story. He'd heard similar ones growing up at camp. He laughed at the end of Hiro's tale.

"Ha! Kids are still telling that one? Let me tell you a real horror story."

It was about tax audits.

Both boys could only shrug at each other.

"I do not understand the purpose of a 'ghost story'." Baymax observed.

"It's suppose to be for fun." Hiro informed him.

"I see; an adrenaline rush within a safe and controlled environment can be considered a pleasant feeling for some people. However I do not understand how taxes figure into that."

"Uuuuh, neither do we." Hiro admitted, "but I guess fear is subjective. Do you have any stories to share, Varian?"

Varian had to rack his brain on that one. His own life was more of a horror story then most ghost tales he knew, but he didn't want to devel into that. Instead he told a folk legend that his dad had once told him. It had been an old story from his home country; a parable about a rich man who was so greedy that he hoarded a well from the poor townspeople during a drought. Forcing them to pay him tribute lest they die of thirst, but he made the mistake of refusing water to a witch and so was cursed to become a vampire. To spend an eternity in thirst himself and to be forever alone, because he could no longer get close to other people without risking harm to them.

"And so a leader must care for his people, son," he remembered his father instructing him at the end of the tale, "He must share and give back to the community. He who sacrifices love for his fellow man in exchanged for selfish possessions, forfeits his right to live among mankind and to even be called a 'man' himself."

If only his father's words had been true. If real life had been as simple as stories, then Corona would have sided with him and not the evil king who kept the wondrous healing flower hidden away and who turned his back upon people need. But Varian conveniently left out this more personal anecdote.

"Wow." Hiro said flatly. "That's deep."

He wasn't used to horror stories having explicit morals attached to them and didn't know how else to respond. The tale hadn't been scary so much as eerie with an unnerving ending. Unlike his serial killer story, it wasn't anything you could be afraid of happening to you, yet questioning your place in the world was somehow more off putting than simple dismemberment.

The mood was broken however, by Ruddiger stealing Hiro's marshmallow off his roasting stick. It turned out to be last one as Krei had spent the majority of Varian's story battling the gluttonous raccoon over their food stores.

"I know racoons aren't 'mankind', but does this mean he's doomed to be a marshmallow vampire now?" Hiro joked as Varian got onto his pet.

"I don't know. Your robot looks like a walking marshmallow though." Varian shot back good naturedly.

Now out of food, save for leftover fish, they all decided to tuck in for the night.

                                              ----------------------------

Hiro hated the woods. He hated how unfamiliar everything was, how inconvenient it was, and most of all he hated how gross it was. He woke up irritated and sore from sleeping on the thin sleeping bag inside the tent. He couldn't find anything decent to eat for breakfast. He never stopped grumbling while he was forced to use the bathroom outside. To make an awful morning even worst, he couldn't shake the feeling of being stalked as strange animals hooted and howled. One bush in particular shook right when he pasted it. He nearly jumped out of skin when Ruddiger pop out of it holding the last of the fish in its mouth.

He groaned as he watched the raccoon scurry away and climb up a tree a little ways off from the campsite. He didn't much care for the creature, or for wild animals in general, but he knew how important the pet was to Varian and so had tried to be polite about having it around. Still Hiro's patience was wearing thin. The walking bottomless pit had eaten practically everything in the camp.

Hiro reluctantly followed after, debating if it was worth trying to get the fish back. Probably not, he didn't even like the taste of fish all that much to begin with. He stopped in surprise when an apple core fell from tree and nearly hit him. He looked up and found Varian sitting in one of the top branches, raccoon by his side, and reaching up to pick another apple off the tree.

The other teen paused when he saw Hiro. "Hey! Morning! You wanna an apple for breakfast?"

Hiro's stomach growled in response but all he actually said was, "How did you get up there?"

Varian laughed, "Climbed up here. How else you do think? Fly?"

Hiro looked up at him blankly. It was an obvious answer, of course, and he felt silly for having asked it.  

"Come on up!" Varian encouraged. "There's plenty of apples to go around."

"I..I can't." Hiro admitted sheepishly.

"Why not?"

"I don't know how to climb a tree." He mumbled.

Varian looked surprised by this revelation and before Hiro could do anything else, the other boy quickly climbed back down to join him.

“You never climb a tree before?”

‘Well, I did once, with Baymax’s help.” He rubbed the back of his neck self consciously.  

“It’s not like there’s a whole lot of trees in San Fransokyo to climb.”

“Oh, well, it’s easy. Here, I’ll show you. Just put your foot there, in that knot, and place your hand here on this bump in the bark.” Varian instructed, helping Hiro find the footholds. “Now you see that groove up here, place your other foot there, and as you hoist yourself up grab that lowest branch with your other hand, like climbing a really uneven ladder.”

Hiro did so, though not without some struggling, but eventually he pulled himself up onto the lowest branch.      

“Great!” Varian cheered and followed after with practiced ease. “The hardest parts done. Now all you gotta do is swing up the rest of the branches, like so.”

Varian took off, showing Hiro the best way to navigate the tree top. Hiro followed him, mimicking the other boys actions. With great effort he hauled himself up onto the final branch and heaved a ‘wooooph’ in relief of having made it up.

His sigh quickly turned to awe though when he caught sight of the view. The early morning sun sparkled on the lake. Further out a misty fog was beginning to disperse and you could see the opposite shoreline reflected in the water like glass. Beyond that giant redwoods poked out of the canopy of trees and way, way off in the distance you just about make out the tips of blue mountains.

“Woah.” He breathed. Hiro had to admit, you didn’t get scenery like this in the city.

‘Here.” Varian handed him an apple. It was smaller than the ones you’d buy in the store, with pink and yellow skin. Hiro tentatively took a bite. It was crunchy and very tart, but edible. Not to mention it was practically the only food they had left in the camp, so Hiro wound up eating it all and started in on a second one.

“So, where did you learn to climb?” Hiro asked taking another large bite of the wild fruit.

“Oh, I’ve been climbing trees since I could walk.” Varian laughed. “We owned an apple orchard along with the farm. Also the forest is right next to my village.”

Ruddiger joined them, procuring his own apple and sitting right on Varian’s lap to enjoy his meal. Varian scratched his pet’s ear.

“Does he ever get full?” Hiro asked.

“Nope.” Varian replied, and then they both broke into giggles.

Once the laughter had subsided Hiro commented, “I guess that’s why you’re so good at this outdoors stuff. This is the first time I ever been fishing, and with any luck, it’ll be my last.”

“My dad taught me.” Varian quitely confessed. “He’d take me on trips like this sometimes. Try to teach me how to hunt and fish. The fishing is a lot better than the hunting, let me tell you. I never could fire an arrow right and I can’t stand the sight of blood.” He cringed as if recalling a gruesome memory. “But, I guess he was just looking out for me. He taught me the skills he had to live on to survive. Apparently there were no farms where he grew up, the land was always baren. I guess that’s why he prefered gardening to being a knight.”

“Wait, your dad was an actual for real knight?”

Varian nodded, “Yeah, I found his armor after...after the accident. Along with a bunch of other important stuff he never told me about.” He added bitterly.

Hiro didn’t know how to respond to that. So he stayed quiet and let Varian dictate the conversation.

“Anyways, it worked. The fishing did come in handy. I had to do a lot of that, when.. when I was on my own.” He worked his jaw as he mulled over that last confession, his eyes gazing out to into the distance, clearly not seeing the breathtaking view before them.

Hiro’s heart dropped. He had a vague idea of what happened to Varian, but this was the first time it really hit home just how messed up the other’s teen’s life had been before now. He could empathize with losing a loved one, but he had always had his aunt and his friends to depend upon. If nothing else to be there and take of him as he sank into depression. But Varian had to do everything for himself, even while battling that same depression. The idea of having to catch or scavenge for your own food on top caring for you ill father was a nightmare that Hiro could barely comprehend. A nightmare that only somehow got worse.

“Fortunately, there’s a river that runs through my village, and I could set up lines overnight and just go check them in the morning, and we had food stored up for winter. Like oats, bacon, dried peas, that sort of thing. That is, until spring rolled around and the king's guards run me out of my house.” He said irritably.”Then I just had to forage or steal to survive.”

“Be...because you stole medicine?” Hiro asked disquietly. He couldn’t imagine a world so cruel and yet to his surprise the story got even worse.

“Oh no, this was before I stole the flower.” Varian said matter of factly and Hiro just stared at him in horror. Varian heaved a heavy sigh and went on to explain. “My father was the only other person who knew about the sundrop. The king kept it hidden from everyone. I guess when he found out that my dad, was, was ‘gone’, he decided to try and remove me from the picture, so as to keep his secret safe. He made a bunch of false charges about me ‘attacking the princess’ so that no one would believe me when I asked for help or told them the truth about the flower. Then he sent his elite guard to arrest me and I had to run.”

Varian gave a little shrug and added, “I guess after that, ‘treason’ didn’t seem like that big of deal. I mean they were going to throw me in jail either way, and not many people leave those dungeons alive.”

Hiro could barely process what was being told to him. He didn’t know what to say. His stomach churned and his breath shallowed. Varian’s past was far scarier than any ghost story.

Then suddenly he felt guilty. He’d been so caught up in his own grief and his own struggles with readjusting, that he hadn’t actually stopped to think about things from Varian’s perspective. He had thus far grinned and bared the discomfort of having his life turned upside down, because, well because that's what he thought he needed to do in order to be a mature decent person. And while that was true in part, it never occurred to him that this move was yet another upset in Varian’s life, in a long, long string of seemingly never ending upsets.  

Hiro found himself so easily annoyed by the other teen, yet he really had no right to be. Varian was readjusting to whole new culture and way of life in addition to struggling with his grief and trauma. So what if he cooked weird food sometimes, didn’t always know the appropriate conduct to certain situations, or was so super confident in nearly everything he did that it made Hiro self conscious and a little jealous at times. Deep down, Varian was suffering through something that no one in Hiro’s little corner of the globe could fully understand, and the least that Hiro could do was try to be a little more patient and a little more open about letting Varian into his life.

“You know,” Hiro slowly said, trying to ease the conversation and offer a little understanding, “I never really knew my dad. I was just four when he and my mom died. It was always Tadashi who taught me things, like how to ride a bike or how to hotwire a robot. Though he never taught me to climb to tree, so I guess that’s one I owe you.”

He smiled encouragingly at Varian, who nervously returned it. Once again Varian wasn’t used to praise or acknowledgement that he anything ‘right’.

“Maybe, you could teach me more outdoorsy stuff.” Hiro offered. “And I can teach you more about more modern stuff, like how to play Mind Smith II Turbo .”

“That..that’s that video game you like, isn’t it?” Varian asked as he tried to remember what Hiro even talking about.

“Yeah!” and with that Hiro eagerly launched into a detailed description of the game.

Soon the boys were interrupted by Krei emerging from the tent. He stretched sore back and tried to reheat the leftover instant coffee he’d brought. He then promptly spit it back out in disgust. The boys tried their best to suppress their snickers. Keri spotted them anyways.

“How ‘bout we pack it up and go get tacos instead?” He asked them.

“Yeeesss!” Yelled Hiro, who was more than ready to go.

“Sounds great!” Agreed Varian. “We’ll be right down!”

Keri went back in the tent to start packing and Ruddigger scurried down after him, hoping to maybe steal another treat from the camp.

Varian stood up and started to also make his way down when Hiro’s voice stopped him.

“Ummm...Sooo how do you get down exactly?”

                                              ----------------------------

The day ended with a trip to Yaki Taco and a huge feast of fast food nachos and deep fried burritos. Rudiger was once again confined to his carrying cage, but was allowed a cup of some cheese sauce to snack on. Baymax was let out of his charger case to kept an eye on the mischievous raccoon. All agreed it was actually the best part of the camping trip.

“Say, ‘cheese’.” The robot said, as he took a photograph with his internal camera.  

The three guys sing songed the the word even as actual cheese dripped off the burritos they held in their hands, plastering on dopey grins for the camera. Then a few more pictures with silly faces to complete the set.

“Fantastic!” Krei said. “I want copies for the office.”

“Why?” Hiro asked.

“So if any clients come in I show off ‘my family’ to them instead just the photo of my mother. I love the woman but she doesn’t necessarily impress the image of ‘family friendly company’.”

“I knew there was a catch.” Hiro scoffed.

Keri looked wounded. “Hey, I told you, my employees are my family.”

Hiro rolled his eyes but he couldn’t help giving a little smile at that. He knew Krei well enough by now to know that, underneath his seemingly conviving self-serving self, he had a heart, and he wouldn’t have invited Hiro and Varian along if he didn’t care.

“Aunt Cass put you up to this, didn’t she?” He prodded.

“I’m sworn to secrecy.” Krei insisted and they gave Hiro a knowing wink. Then more seriously he said, “I know what it’s like not having your dad around on Father’s Day. So, I figured, why not a fishing trip? It’s better than being stuck at home while your father’s away on a business trip to Tahiti that weekend.”

Hiro raised in eyebrow. Keri had a tendency of oversharing at times.  

“Buuut, enough about me. Who wants dessert!?”

[bcrtonarrcws]

Meta: Claire's relationship with Barney

              HELLO, HI, YOU HAVE JUST UNLOCKED AN ESSAY THAT IS PROBABLY JUST A LITTLE TOO LONG, if I do say so myself and given that I wrote it, I would say you should listen.

 Anyway, the Bartons are actually my favorite comic siblings to ever exist – probably actually my two favorite comic characters ever ever. Their relationship is so dysfunctional and a little broken, yet held together by shitty guardians and a rough childhood. It’s kinda beautiful, how after everything that happened to each other, they’re still close?? Like they trust each other, tease each other, they have each other’s back?? The relationship between Clint and Barney is truly one of my favorite representations of a pair of siblings who didn’t have the easiest life, mainly because, like without the superhero nonsense, their relationship is actually very similar to my own relationship with my siblings – a severely messed up ride or die that might end with one of us killing each other.

Yet, this question is what does Barney’s and Claire’s relationship look like, not Barney’s and Clint, which despite how little it would change, does change some things. To figure out what it changes though, I’d like to head to what their relationship is like, in canon, for me. I know that the fandom has it’s own view of Barney Barton – I don’t agree with it nor particularly like it, so it’s probably best if I explain how I look at their relationship.

So Barney Barton, born Charles Bernard Barton, is the eldest of the two – no ages because this is the comics and characters can’t have canon ages ?? I guess it’ll break the suspension of disbelief but like shrugs – and he showed up in the comics in 1969, before this, he never existed. Of course this is during the age of the 60’s so most superheros didn’t really like have a life outside of the comics they were in so it’s not that big of a deal, but like still, Marvel just creates this character to be Clint’s brother, tells us he’s a racketeer that’s been on the Avenger’s radar for a while, and then kills him in the same issue, only revealing at the end that he was an undercover FBI agent.

(yeah, they gave Clint a family and then killed said family right away, sounds so similar, y’know kinda like the movie-verse which gave clint a family with very little characterization and then snapped them – no wonder I love Laura so much)

Anyway, later issues of Clint’s will explain that their parents were abusive, they died and Clint and Barney ran away from the orphanage they were in when they were like teenagers – this would be retconned to young teenagers, then implied to be younger as of the Hawkeye (2012) series, which puts Clint sleeping under the tents at age 9 (src), which could or could not imply them being their already - it’s whatever, like it’s just gonna get retconned again. Running away to the circus always puts strain on their relationship no matter what age they are though, mainly due to Clint receiving training from their mutual “father figure” Jacques DuQuesne and Barney becoming jealous; a completely and natural thing according to all child psych I’ve read, it creates an environment that allows one kid to be the “golden child” and the other to be the “scapegoat” – now of course, we don’t know much about the dynamics of their full childhood, Marvel hates sharing any information like that, but we can extrapolate a fair amount.

(also, just so everyone knows, this jealousy did not pave the way for their relationship in later comics, namely Blindspot. In that it’s very clearly stated that Barney was found by Egghead to still be slightly alive. He was then held onto, for nefarious reasons, in a healing chamber, until he was found by Baron Zemo years later who then manipulated Barney against his brother so that Baron Zemo could get his revenge against Clint Barton. I’ll say it again, Barney was used against his own brother by an evil guy who hated Clint because Clint slept with Zemo’s wife; that is where the “Cain and Abel” dynamic comes from – not childhood)

Back on the tangentially related topic I was writing about. This jealousy grows until Jacques DuQuesne leaves after Clint finds out about his illegal dealings ( though the all new hawkeye actually kinda, maybe, a little, I’m unsure, retcons this with Clint finding out about it much earlier, when he finds out about Jacques having Barney stealing from people and places and finds the hidden cache of a gun, money and some other things under Jacques’ bed??? I don’t know, I’m now a little confused if Jacques still fucks off thanks to that comic ) - of course, this is after Jacques chases Clint through the circus, cutting the high wire Clint tried to hide on. Barney tells Clint, while his brother is in the hospital (and in literally a comic that got retconned basically) that he should’ve kept his mouth shut and stuck by Jacques no matter what (can we say that that sounds like trauma?? because guess what, psych 101 says that that’s kinda sounding like trauma since Jacques was trash to these kids, like literally, fuck Jacques DuQuesne – all my friends hate him – he’s an interesting villain but fuck the whitewashing of his bullshit).

This doesn’t sour their relationship at all – no seriously, it doesn’t which uh shows that neither of them really take each other at face value anymore – and they go back to the circus, Clint heals up, starts working with Buck (a man currently being written out of the comics world which is a shame because he’s kinda important but kinda not) and then Barney decides he wants out. With Barney in the army, Clint continues down the crime street and well, now that we’ve got a bit of background (over 800 words of background), let’s get onto what their relationship is really like for Claire and Barney.

Simply put, like in the comic relationship with Clint and Barney, Barney is a protective older brother, he taught Claire how to fight and aim, how to patch up simple bruises and cuts, taught her to drink her first shot (at like age fourteen, but like what do you expect when that boy was drinking much younger???). He was her first teacher, her best teacher – yes their relationship got complicated; it’s Claire when isn’t her relationships complicated – but at the end of the day, he helped shape her into who she was.

Less simply put…

He is her everything—in all the P L A T O N I C (I’m emphasizing platonic because please don’t take this in the romantic sense, they’re fucked up but not like that; I am not Marvel, I don’t ship siblings and pretend that shit is fine.) sense of the word—he was her guardian when all the guardians around her failed to properly take care of her; he was her brother who teased her and made fun of her; he was her best friend who understood what she went through, the only other person who did; he taught her as much schooling as she would sit down and listen to, he taught her how to cook herself some basic food.

He was a father, a mother, a brother, a best friend, a moral compass – which is why when he went off to the Army, Claire found it a betrayal. She hated him for the time that he was gone, though she forgave him not long before she first shot him because she could understand that to him  (the little purple box in the third panel: Carnival of Death, of course this is how Barney would remember things) the circus was never a home, just another temporary place to stay. 

(btw this is “shooting barney” thing that is part of my main verse, is canon. Clint shot his brother, who was working undercover as a bodyguard, while Clint was breaking into a mansion with the aforementioned soon-to-be-retconned-I’m-sure-of-it Buck Chisholm, which led to Buck shooting Clint in the shoulder when he refused to leave his brother’s body and pinning him to a tree – I don’t quite recall how Clint got out of getting arrested, I’m pretty sure it never explained, but I’m rusty and not really up for pulling out some old comics to read up on) 

(I lied, here’s the comic strip: 1. 2. Clint “somehow” managed to get free, take his brother to the hospital and then leave??? yeah sure. )

Anyway, let’s get on with it. So if that was their relationship when they were younger, what is it like now?? Now that Claire has found a place – a sturdy, yet unsteady, comfortable, yet spartan, to call her own –

( and yes, this sounds angsty, but Clint has issues accepting that he is where he wants to be – Clint is always running, even when standing completely still. It’s a trauma response to his shitty childhood where they never stayed in one place for too long; even when their parents were alive, they moved from above the family butcher shop to the Barton farm. Barney had it too, but apparently a relationship helped with that (and okay, look I love Simone and Barney, but that part in All New Hawkeye rubbed me wrong as a fellow wandering child turned rootless adult; the guy needs therapy, not just a relationship – but then again, Barney Barton does not get agency or a personality outside of Clint Barton; his life must revolve around Clint Barton, even when he was on the Dark Avengers, it was about Clint – and yeah, they’re brothers, “two sides of the same coin”, and all that jazz but like I’ve got three sisters and a brother, I’m my own person at the end of the day – something Barney Barton cannot say, which means ending his story on the note of retirement and falling in love is just the best thing so they don’t have to keep finding a reason to try to remember that Clint has a brother   I’ll stop with the rant, I’m sorry.) )

   where does a man who no longer has to be a father, mother, brother, best friend, and moral compass stand when his sister has all that? Well, for the most part, he stands next to her – in my main verse at least. After he has come back wrong (Buffy much?), he finds his place standing beside his sister, no longer solely protecting her from the world (as he had always done because the world is not kind to lost little girls or boys), because he’s learned that she can, for the most part, protect herself, and Claire finds herself less on a lower standing (less of a burden in her eyes, less of a child in need of comfort) with her brother, but more like an equal, something that’s a bit of a new situation for the both of them.

In truth, Claire’s relationship with Barney is complicated and messy but it’s hers, and when you have something that’s complicated and messy, you have to figure it out, and that’s what, in my canon, she’s doing. Sure Barney isn’t around a lot - he’s got his own shit to figure out - but he’s her brother, and she loves him, and he loves her and they’re trying to get to a place where they don’t accidentally poke the trauma they’ve got and ruin a good thing. 

......

Okay, so like did any of this make sense??? I don’t know. I guess, to sum it up really quick, in my main verse - and most of my canon - I’d say Claire’s relationship with Barney is slightly yet not really awkward – it’s awkward because once upon a time, it was simple. Yet at the same time, it’s a really important relationship because Claire was shaped by her brother (and of course all those shitty adults because there are no good mentors in the Marvel world, not for kids at least).

Idk, this is really just me rambling. Like I should just state that tis is just Mun taking all the retcons that Marvel stuck her babies through and trying to make sense of them along with a healthy dose of a smattering of psychology shoved all about because unlike Marvel, I have no desire to ignore the C-PTSD/PTSD that seems to follow both boys around thanks to their childhood – of course this crazy amount of words actually kinda ignores all the trauma they have as adults, but that’s a whole nother post for some other day

I also know that I carry some ~controversial ~ barney barton views - ie. he’s not a villain and that him and clint share a close relationship, that he isn’t dumb muscle (bitch got a 1350 SAT score with like minimal schooling, i’d like to see you do that) and that he wasn’t a shit older brother when they were kids - i’m not apologizing for them. not at all. i will never apologize for them. characters are more than one dimensional and if i gotta be the one to wade through all this vague ass bullshit to get those other two dimensions then i’m going to do just that, which i have done. 

plus it doesn’t even matter because through all the retcons clint and barney has gone through, this is what their relationship is; a fucked up dysfunctional sibling relationship gone off the rails when Barney was brought back from the dead and manipulated/brainwashed into hating his brother. it eventually got better, how? we’ve got none of that, but it did and and at the end of the day, as clint said:

[leafenclaw]

For the “Ask questions about my WIPs!” game

@inkstainedfingers97 asked:

“Perchance would you be willing to send me a brief summary of the premises of "Gem" and "Fearful Symmetry" ?”

First of all, thank you for asking! ^^

Gem is actually one of my earliest Mentalist works, one of several character studies I wrote in preparation for another story called Visions (which I was supposed to go back to right after Chasing Storms, but then Kindred happened x3). The concept was quite simple, a long drabble in which Lisbon was pondering all the ways Jane reminds her of a diamond (the dazzling smiles, flashy tricks, cutting edges of his personality, the fatal flaw at heart, etc.). That said, 400-ish words in I realised I was pushing that metaphor just a little bit too far? XD So unless I recycle parts of it for Kindred at some point (perhaps for 2x09, with that subplot about a diamond Jane lost in the bullpen? ^^), it’ll probably never see the light of day and to be honest I’m pretty okay with that. x)

Fearful Symmetry is a different animal entirely. I don’t know if you remember 2x10 well, it’s the episode where Jane gets hit by a baseball and gets a concussion, so he spends the whole episode fainting and having intrusive memories of his father? And in one of those memories, you see him and his father conning an old lady and her dying granddaughter. For some reason as I was watching I started thinking on that kid, wondering what would happen to her if she survived after this. Would she think the crystal really saved her, or would she know it’s a con and resent the Janes for it? I followed those thoughts for a while, got mislaid by a few Shakespeare references, and ended up with a story in which Celia (the dying girl) is Red John, because the application of the crystal nearly killed her and she wants revenge on the boy who lied to her. x)

It’s not a happy story. Written in 2nd person from the POV of an extremely unreliable narrator, it’s meant to be an illustration of how a healthy mind can sink into really unhealthy thought patterns because of a single event, how holding onto hate and a desire for revenge usually ends up poisoning your own life, and (as the title implies) it was also meant to be a commentary on thematic parallels between Jane and Red John, how similar they are, how you just need to fill in a few blanks to realise they have the same nature.

Anyway. x) It was SUPER cathartic to write and I was all set to publish as soon as it was done... until a computer mishap ate half my progress (more than 5k gone, I had almost 12k by then), including a scene I struggled a lot on, so it never recovered. I’m still keeping that one on the back-burner though, it’s one of ten stories across all my fandoms that I definitely intend to come back to and complete.

Excerpt under cut. Trigger warnings for obsessive thoughts of hatred and revenge, graphic descriptions of pain, some internalised ableism, and violent rejection of morals and religion. (There may be other things, as I said it’s not a happy story.)

(Feel free to comment but please don’t reblog.)

*****

Fearful Symmetry

*****

"Breathe," says your grandmother softly.

And you do, one laborious inhalation after the other, even as the wet, squelching sound makes you shiver, and the pain tears you apart. You do, and you clutch the crystal against your chest – because it will help, won't it? It must. Your grandmother says so, and the Carney man at the fair said so, and the boy. The boy said so. The beautiful boy who cried for you, with the golden curls that makes you want to giggle and sigh and feel their softness under your fingers. He said so.

"Breathe," repeats your grandmother, and you do – again and again and again and why isn't it working?

"I'm sorry to tell you, ma'am. You were robbed," says the doctor, shaking his head. "Crystals aren't magic. They can't heal anything."

But neither you nor your grandmother will listen to those lies, because you saw it. You saw the blister on the boy's finger heal with your own two eyes. How is that not magic? So you breathe, and breathe again, and cough up phlegm until even your grandmother pales and shakes her head.

*****

"What if – " you ask, then cough some more. "What if it needs to be inside?"

"Direct application," whispers your grandmother, eyes feverish. "Yes! We could put it in your oxygen tank – that should work. It will work, Celia. I promise."

Of course, no doctor will allow her to put a foreign object in your oxygen tank, not even a magic healing crystal that could save you. You should have known. They never took you seriously, even in the beginning. That's why the cancer was allowed to spread so far.

But you and your grandmother know what you're doing. You've seen it work. And when it does, when you're healed, you will walk back to the county fair on your own feet and kiss that boy right on his generous mouth to thank him for everything he did.

One day. If you dare. You need to heal first, for that to happen.

So you and your grandmother talk about it, and come to a decision.

Forget about the doctors.

Trust in the crystal.

Trust in the boy.

"Keep your eyes closed," whispers your grandmother, a handful of carefully grounded crystal in her palm. "I will blow it toward you. And when I say so, take a deep breath, as deep as you can. Are you ready?"

You nod.

"Now!"

You open your mouth wide and breathe, and cough, and open your eyes because it hurts so much, and dust flies in your eyes and your mouth is burning, your eyes are burning, your lungs, NO, burning scratching burning bleeding leaking painpainpain –

You scream.

*****

"What were you thinking!" bellows the doctor, somewhere on the other side of the door.

Your grandmother is crying, all hysterical sobs and blubbering mess, incoherent words of desolation falling out of her mouth like a waterfall. You want to tell her it's not her fault – it's not her fault, it's the boy's. The lying boy with his lying tears and those lying curls of shining gold you still want to feel under your fingers, except now you want to feel his lying throat bobbing up and down as you squeeze it just as much.

You want to tell her, but they hooked you up to your oxygen tank and you can't say a word, and you can't reach out to her either because you can't see with all those bandages covering your eyes.

Can’t, can’t, can’t do anything, anything at all.

"It's a miracle it didn't kill her on the spot!" yells the doctor again.

You can hear the angry breath he takes and releases, almost covering your grandmother's cries.

"Your crystal dust buried itself in the tissues, scarred her lungs and cornea," the doctor adds, so quietly you have to strain your ears to hear him speak. "If she was to live, it would be a miracle for her to escape pneumonia and infections. But as it is..."

You shouldn't be listening to this. But you do, you do even if you're not supposed to, even if you're supposed to be sleeping, and resting, and recovering. That's what they told you to do, anyway. Rest, and don't bother your pretty little head with grown-up talk.

Rest.

Rest in peace.

"Her last days will be painful," concludes the doctor. "Dying will be a kindness."

Your grandmother's wail covers every other sound.

The pang of shock in your mind covers every other thought.

Until shock turns to helplessness.

Then anger.

Then hate.

*****

You lie on your back, eyes closed as the priest anoints your forehead with oil, muttering blessings for your soul. Your grandmother cries softly by your bedside as you take one painful inhalation after the other. They've all given you for dead already, talking about you in past tense, hushed murmurs and sniffles in every corner of the room.

You don't care.

You're such a raw mass of unending pain. Nothing else matters but the burning in your lungs and the fever in your eyes and the pounding in your head that erases all ideas, all thoughts, all emotions.

Except one.

And the growing thirst for revenge sustains you in a way nothing else – no medicine, no prayer, no crystal – ever could.

*****

You never knew there was an emotion so powerful as to conjure up miracles – but if you had, you would have bet on love.

And you would have been wrong.

Love, in the end, wasn't enough to save you. Be it the love of God with its many prayers all through the night, or the love of Science on the altar of which you sacrificed your hair – both utterly failed you. Even the love of your grandmother only brought you worse suffering instead of the promised peace and relief.

Love wasn't enough.

But hate is.

Hate allows you to survive night after night until a full month passes. Hate allows you to hang on by a thread until breathing comes easier, until pain ceases. So slowly at first nobody notices you healing. So slowly at first you don't even notice it yourself.

Until you do.

Until they do.

"It's a miracle. Praises be to God," says the priest, and you want to tell him to shut up shut up shut up, because there is no miracle, there is no God, there is only hate burning bright and hot inside you, turning the cancer to cinders and coal dust.

"It was the crystal. It gave her back her life," says your grandmother, and you want to tell her to shut up shut up shut up, because the crystal nearly killed you, the crystal scratched your eyes away and even hate couldn't give you back your sight.

"It was the treatment. In a few months, we may be able to graft her a new cornea," says the doctor, and you want to tell him to shut up shut up shut up, because the medicine was never helpful to begin with, they didn't even bother treating your eye infection properly when they thought you were dying, and when you finally get out of here you will never trust a doctor again.

But you don't say a word – because you may be healed but you're still weak, and arguing over what exactly saved you would be a waste of time, a waste of energy. Instead you let hate eat away at any warm emotion you once felt, shield your mind with its cold, hard shell of frozen magma.

Who cares what they all think anyway? You know the truth, and at night you dream of a thousand humiliations and pains for the boy who grievously betrayed you.

[goldenkamuyhunting]

Ramblings and crazy theory time about GK chap 230 “Ienaga Kano”

So with the new chapter we get a split in the fandom on how to nickname Tsukishima. While the Japanese fandom goes for ‘Surekill-man’ a reference to a fanassigned nicknamed for a character in the ‘Jojo no kimyō na bōken’ universe, the western fandom went for something obviously more ‘western’…

…to be honest with various variations of the nick, from purely ‘The Terminator’ from the homonymous movie to ‘The Tsukishima’ or ‘Tsukishimator’ and so on (I went with the one that would fit better in the space in the image, that and Merdopseudo liked it, my apologies to the nicks not used, you’re all cool but ‘there can be only one’).

But let’s start with the chapter and with how Tsukishima gained this nick.

We left him having been injected a sedative by Ienaga and yet still managing to shoot her to death. It’s worth to point out Ienaga’s sedatives need some time to affect people and our Tsukinator is trying to take advantage of it to make a short work of Tanigaki.

Really, we knew Tsukishima, pardon, the Tsukinator was good at hand-to-hand combat but not really how much. Tanigaki is supposedly good as well, bigger than him and not drugged and our supposedly sedated Tsukinator is literally wiping the floor with him without even breaking a sweat and Tanigaki manages only narrowly to have him miss shooting his brain off.

Luckily for Tanigaki when it looks as if the Tsukinator will get better luck with his next shoot, the sedative kickes in (with the Tsukinator’s veins becoming rather visible as if they were some sort of monster crawling on his face)

and the Tsukinator’s falls, his face flat on Tanigaki’s ample chest.

Ienaga, still alive, tells Inkarmat, who’s naively trying to stop the blood pouring out of her, about how the Tsukinator wouldn’t SUPPOSEDLY be able to move for two hours.

Tanigaki, always the righteous, gives Ienaga a look that Ienaga correctly interpret with ‘why would a selfish, evil criminal like you do something like that?’.

Tanigaki represents that sort of naïve people that divide the world in two blocks, the purely evil ones and the purely good ones and misses how actually there’s a lot of middle ground in between the two groups and purely evil and purely good hardly exist if not in fairy tales.

As Ienaga did PLENTY of terrible deeds Tanigaki doesn’t care for her motivations nor expects her to feel also positive emotions like love or care and do something good like helping them. He put her in the box of the evil people and thinks there’s no way she would get out of it and do something good.

On the contrary side he perceives himself as being among the good guys, as proved by the previous chapter in which he said he wasn’t cold blooded enough to kill a friend, Sugimoto, conveniently forgetting he wanted to do the same to Kenkichi and that he did the same to Kiro (who saved his and Inkarmat’s life by the way) and doesn’t realize the ‘greyness’ in himself, feeling free to judge negatively Ogata and Nikaido for betraying Tsurumi but thinking instead that he is entitled to do the same.

This, of course, doesn't mean Tanigaki is evil, he’s merely human and therefore flawed.

I love this side of him as a character, I love how human Tanigaki is in his own good sides and in his own bad sides but, on the other hand it clearly makes me angry when he acts like a blind hypocrite. It’s human... but it’s no good at all.

Anyway Ienaga explains her own reasons which are… very simple.

Inkarmat, who’s about to give birth, is, for Ienaga, about to become ‘perfect’. Evidently the trauma of her mother’s abort, which twisted Ienaga and turned her into a bloody murderer and cannibal, rules her life not only pushing her to do heinous acts but also in a positive way. She wants to save this pregnant woman, she wants her to attain the ‘perfection’ neither her or her mother could attain. And it’s clear Ienaga is completely content with giving up her life for this, in fact she’s smiling and telling Tanigaki to not lose this moment.

Inkarmat is touched. Tanigaki just pulls Inkarmat up and tells her to leave without even a word of thank you for the person who gave her life so that they could escape. Inkarmat’s gaze instead is still on Ienaga and since she doesn’t seem to really try to get up I wonder if this is because she feels bad for Ienaga, for leaving her behind.

Not that she can be saved.

This, mind you, doesn’t mean Ienaga is now a good person or that she gets redeemed by this single heroic act. Ienaga is a terrible person who did terrible things and who’s helping Inkarmat only because, for her own reasons, she had come to care about her.

It’s entirely possible Ienaga doesn’t regret a single terrible thing she had done in life and, had she survived, she would have continued to try to chop people and eat them for their own purposes… except Inkarmat for whom she had grown fond.

On the other side the cover of the chapter, placed here and showing Ienaga’s body, depicts the sprays of blood that came out of her as forming a halo and wings, while the writing points out that Ienaga became perfect in that very moment, by giving her own life for someone else.

If this is Noda nodding to Christian faith again, the implication is that yes, Ienaga regretted what she did in the past and that she would be forgiven, not by men but by God.

After all, according to many, ‘Who saves a life saves the world’.

Yeah, yeah, among fans it’s a controversial topic.

The tropes of ‘death equals redemption’ and ‘redemption equals death’ are overused to the point they feel cheap and that’s due to fans themselves. As James Norrington said ‘The problem with a 'redemption' gig is, well, no one wants to see it. They all want to believe in it, sure, but to do it... it's as good as signing your own death warrant. Audiences don't want to see you redeemed, living a normal life. They'll never truly forgive you for your flaws as long as you're alive.’

Long story short, authors who decide to portray that EVERYONE can do a heel-face turn, that you can stop doing evil things, that is never too late to become a good person which is a great message really, also end up heroically killing off characters who decide to do something good for a change, so as to appease the fans who can’t forgive them and just want them to never realize the errors of their way and die a miserable death (or, when they feel merciful, spend their life being miserable).

Well, if that’s your kind of story, you’re free to roll with it.

De gustibus non disputandum est.

I’m personally not sure that, had Ienaga survived, after this heroic act of her, the trauma that pushed her into becoming the person she was, would be magically healed and she would become a morally perfect person... or at least as morally perfect as a human can be (not much really unless you’re in air of sainthood) and OF COURSE there’s no way she could ‘pay back’ all the people she killed as... well… they’re dead (I know there’s a lot of confusion about it but redemption isn’t about being forgiven, nor is about giving your life in a heroic way, redemption is about paying back the people you wronged... unless of course you use religion and have the character atone for his sins against God by redeeming himself to His eyes and not really by redeeming himself to his victims)  but I like the idea Noda is hinting this could have helped her to change their ways.

A perfect world would be perfect if all the criminals just were to change their ways and become good people, not if the jails could contain them all or if they were to drop all dead in a ‘Death Note’ style (though, when we talk about fictional works, there’s a bit of Yagami Light in all the fans… :P ). We need good men more than we need jails filled and corpses.

But well, this of course is just an utopia, sinning is addictive and changing your life is hellish hard. It happens even in real life, but is sadly very rare.

Anyway Tanigaki and Ienaga leave Inkarmat’s room only to meet up with Koito, pointing his gun at them. Tanigaki, who was pushing ahear Inkarmat, now places her behind himself but Koito is clearly torn. He’s sweating and chewing his lower lip as he lower his gaze as well before lowering his gun too and telling them to leave.

The two run away, always without thanking him, but then Tanigaki wonders why Koito left them go.

Inkarmat points out that when Koito was bedridden she spent a lot of time telling fortunes to him but Tanigaki rejects the idea. The Second Lieutenant Koito he knows wouldn’t have shown mercy to a person who had shown kindness to him.

While this is partially true, as part of Koito’s actions are clearly motivated by how he had lost faith in Tsurumi and Tsukishima due to discovering how he was used by them, I still think him letting Inkarmat go is also part due to him growing fond of her.

She was with him and cheered him up when he was wounded and weak and, in a way, in enemy ground. I think this was precious to him and Inkarmat, who’s clearly not a naive person, probably realized it. Koito knows he can’t escape, he doesn’t take that chance to run away as well, but it’s worth to mention if Tsurumi were to realize he let them go, Koito could end up in troubles as well and maybe he’s afraid Tsukishima too could put him in troubles since he warned him if he were to betray he would kill him. Koito also is risking his own life to help them, and, I think, is something he’s not doing solely out of the kindness of his heart but out of genuine care for Inkarmat.

She won him over a little.

It’s also sad how Tanigaki thinks that Inkarmat’s kindness should have gone unrewarded on Koito. He doesn’t think the time she spent with him would affect Koito, that he would grow to care for her. He sees Koito as a lost cause, a man uncapable of showing thankfullness and apprecciation for the kindness he received.

Koito is in another box for bad guys from which Tanigaki didn’t think Koito should have been able to get off and instead he did. People don’t change to Tanigaki, he has no hope for them to get better, to improve themselves, to develop positive relations or to do good thing. Once evil, always evil.

It’s a sad, hopeless and cold view.

I think even Nihei would be hurt by it.

Meanwhile Tanigaki put in action his ‘bright plan’ of escaping with Inkarmat on a horse a mean of transportation surely perfectly comfortable for a pregnant woman who could give birth at any minute and whose speed wouldn’t resent at all of the fact it has to carry two people, one of which at the nth month of pregnancy plus whatever Tanigaki has in those bags he hung to the horse and his own backpack.

Now… remember when I said the Tsukinator was meant to be out of commission for supposedly two hours?

Well, we wished.

The Tsukinator, despite the sedative, manages to get up, grab a rifle, shoot in Tanigaki’s direction and recharge before… falling again. Honestly I’m not sure if he has fainted or he just slipped off the bed due to lack of coordination. Nothing stop the Tsukinator as we’ll see later on.... but after all we knew it.

‘Listen, and understand, Tanigaki. That Tsukinator is out there, it cant be bargained with, it cant be reasoned with, it doesn't feel pity or remorse or fear, and it absolutely will not stop... EVER, untill you are dead!’

Too bad Tanigaki can’t hear me lecturing him about the Tsukinator....

Meanwhile as Tanigaki and Inkarmat escape, as it was easy to predict, the rocking of the horse of course starts to affect Inkarmat. Tanigaki realizes he was going too fast and, since they managed to make to the edge of the Otaru he thinks they’re far enough and safe enough they can stop there in an abandoned building.

As Tanigaki lights a fire, Inkarmat notes there’s blood coming from his head so he uses the Matanpushi (the headband Huci gave him) to bandage it, claiming he’ll be fine.

Honestly I don’t really find respectful to use that headband as a makeshift bandage as the Matanpushi has a religious meaning among Ainu, in fact it tells Gods where they are and calls their protection on the wearer. I can understand Huci using it as such, to ask the Gods to protect Tanigaki, but, as I doubt Tanigaki is now an Ainu Gods believer, it just feels a bit inappropriate.

On the other side in desperate times people would beg at whatever altar they would find and I also wonder if, in a way, this makes Tanigaki feel as he felt when he was escaping from Ogata and Nikaido so in a way he is hoping Huci’s headband will give him protection not so much through the Gods in which Huci’s believes but just because it’s Huci’s headband... which again is very human and also rather sweet.

(Besides there are huge chances Tanigaki has no idea of the religious meaning tied to it...)

We can also see that Tanigaki’s irises recover their light colour now that he’s wearing it so yes, I think it has a good psychological effect on him and it’s not just something he picked up at random.

Anyway Tanigaki plans to have them rest only a little and then escape farther.

Inkarmat notes Tanigaki is losing blood from his leg also, which Tanigaki thinks is the result of Tsukishima shooting at them earlier and which he notices only now since he was so busy escaping he didn’t even felt the pain it should give him.

While this is kind of normal and points rather well to Tanigaki’s inner state, so completely focused on escaping he basically didn’t even felt pain, not checking on his own conditions is a huge mistake. Not only loss of blood makes him weaker and could have caused him to faint, making him useless and giving Inkarmat more troubles but his dripping blood left a convenient track the Tsukinator followed till there.

And that’s why I think Tsukishima didn’t faint, he only fell because, on his feet he basically reached Tanigaki and Inkarmat who escaped on a horse in no time as they only apparently had time to light the fire before being discovered. The Tsukinator is even faster than Jason Voorhees in tailing after his victims despite being on his feet and drugged… but Noda has already assigned the comparison with Jason to Sugimoto so I’ll stick with the Tsukinator…

Anyway the Tsukinator tries to shoot Tanigaki but he narrowly misses him.

Either Tanigaki is lucky, due to the Matanpushi the Gods are really protecting him or Tsukishima is still partially affected by the sedative. Anyway Tanigaki tells Inkarmat to escape from the back as he tries to shoot the Tsukinator and… miss him despite the Tsukinator being only few steps from him as the Tsukinator lowers himself, pushes Tanigaki on the ground and then punches him hard.

Tanigaki, taking advantage of his superior size and strength, grabs the Tsukinator up and tosses him against a wall so hard the Tsukinator crashes through it.

Think this signs a score for Tanigaki? Think twice.

The result of Tanigaki’s efforts is that when Tanigaki grabs his rifle and tries to shoot him, the Tsukinator had all the time to hide, protected by the walls.

Tanigaki looks out, and luckily for him the Tsukinator isn’t into position yet as Tanigaki’s head would have been a beautiful target right then.

Way to go, Tanigaki, really.

Inkarmat calls him so Tanigaki reaches her and again they escape on a horse. Again.

The Tsukinator shoots Tanigaki in the shoulder...

...before faithfully ‘hopping’ after them at a leisurely pace with a calm and a determination that betrays how he took lessons from Pepé Le Pew only, to Pepé and Tsurumi’s displeasure, what pushes him forward to chase and attempt to kill Tanigaki, is clearly not ‘love’.

Anyway morning as come and Inkarmat and Tanigaki are still escaping on a horse, conveniently leaving blood track on the snow that the Tsukinator can follow. They might as well leave direction signs.

Tanigaki though is optimist. Now he has a rifle so, he thinks, the Tsukinator will keep more at distance (he wishes) and besides since he’s more at home in the mountains than him they will easily lose him if he will hide there with a pregnant woman about to give birth and for whom all those emotions and the horse ride clearly aren’t good.

As on cue and strictly following Murphy’s law, Inkarmat’s water breaks and Tanigaki’s oh so perfect plan to slowly reach the mountains and lose the Tsukinator there crashes when facing the logistics of how to deal with an impending childbirth that Ienaga had warned him was about to happen. But no, do not listen to the amazing doctor when the latter is also a criminal who just died to save your ass.

So Tanigaki APOLOGIZES TO THE HORSE because he is leaving him behind and mind him, this is nice and everything but what about thanking Ienaga, who died for you and Koito who risked his ass for you?

Meanwhile the Tsukinator moves closer following the trail of blood he can notice also in a bamboo grove… to discover Tanigaki’s horse which now has a wound on his leg, likely made by Tanigaki as the horse before seemed perfectly fine.

The Tsukinator understands he was misleaded into chasing the horse and his brain computer analyze the situation to set on a new course… and soon it’ll become obvious it’s not really difficult to get which one.

Meanwhile Tanigaki, who’s about to become father, carries Inkarmat bridal stile running through the snow repeating the classic sentences Panicky Expectant Fathers says to their wives when they’re about to give birth to a baby: ‘you can do this, grit your teeth and bear it, it’s gonna be okay, I’m with you, you can do this, everything will work out… yadda, yadda’.

Mind you, it’s nice from them as it’s not like there’s something they can do except saying such things and being of moral support with their presence but it’s a trope so abused seeing it in this scene somehow made me laugh instead than feel the drama that’s obviously looming over him and Inkarmat due to them being in an obviously very dire situation.

And it’s worth to mention that Inkarmat, same as all the other pregnant women, appreciates a lot Tanigaki’s efforts to reassure her.

Moral support might seem nothing much but sometimes it can also do miracles and it’s great to know there’s someone with you that encourages you when you’re in such a desperate situation, a rock against which you can hold so as not to be dragged away by waves.

So she smiles and hugs Tanigaki tightly and tries to hold on.

It’s a good moment.

Yeah, Tanigaki went into this without the sliver of a decent plan but at least he decided to stick with the people that were important for him and not leave them alone at the first sign of trouble.

Tanigaki has plenty of faults and flaws but, despite this I think it’s so IMPORTANT how he decided to stay with Inkarmat through thick and thin when so many other men would have washed their hands clean of her and the baby.

Maybe Tanigaki can’t give us lessons about planning or about not being hypocrites but sure as hell he’s trying his hardest to be a good companion and a good father and this is GREAT, really.

He’s wounded, he has lost blood and yet he’s running in the snow with all their luggage and Inkarmat, who’s pregnant, in his arms.

The Tsukinator can be scary in the way he doesn’t stop his chase but Tanigaki, who’s instead moved by love, is amazing.

Sadly though, Tanigaki isn’t really good at planning things and this definitely plays against him.

So Tanigaki, running like a madman, reaches the most predictable destination in the neighbourhood of Otaru in which he could hope to get help, Huci’s house, where we can see next to her the son of Sakamoto, the Lighting Bandit and O-gin who now had grown enough he can sit on his own.

While yes, in this place they can find someone who’ll help Inkarmat, it’s not like The Tsukinator couldn’t guess Tanigaki would take this course, it was obvious enough that escaping with a woman who’s about to give birth they should find a place in which said woman could give birth and Huci’s house is close enough so I expect the Tsukinator to figure this out and reach them in no time. I honestly doubt Tanigaki will manage to repeat the same trick he used with Ogata as, first of all, at this point it wouldn’t be wise to move Inkarmat for a while and this includes also just after she gave birth and he can’t leave her behind or she and her child will become hostages Tsukishima and Tsurumi can use against him or kill off in retaliation for his escape and this now includes Huci as well since Tanigaki has ended up involving her.

Due to Tanigaki’s huge involvement in Kiro’s death (Kiro died of blood loss mainly caused by the wound Tanigaki gave him) he’ll likely be a victim of the tiger curse and condemned to live an unhappy life meaning there are chances he won’t be the one to die here but that he’ll lose everything here.

Tsukishima is in no better position as he also contributed to Kiro’s death albeit in a smaller manner (the wound Tsukishima inflicted him did negligible harm compared to Tanigaki’s although it clearly didn’t help, actually it only speeded up Kiro’s death) so let’s talk a bit about him.

Tsukishima didn’t need to become The Tsukinator, as I called him through this whole rambling.

He attempted to stop Tanigaki, he was drugged, they went away, he could have told Tsurumi he just passed out, Koito kept on sleeping and be done with the whole business.

Tanigaki is just a man who wants to go back home, he isn’t interested in the gold hunt nor in stopping Tsurumi, he wants to get the woman he loves and have a family with her. Inkarmat is a woman who due to her past with Wilk ended up becoming a pawn to him and now she apparently merely wants to have a family with Tanigaki. The incoming baby has no fault of his own and can’t prove to be a threat.

Why just not letting them go? Why do they need to be killed or captured at any cost?

Is the baby’s actually Tsurumi? Did they experimented on the fetus so as to create the perfect soldier or the antichrist himself? Does Inkarmat know earth shattering  secrets that can’t be revealed to anyone?

Tsukishima was willing to let go Gansoku, a criminal. When Koito unveiled the truth Tsukishima let it slide as long as Koito played along with Tsurumi.

So why not letting go Tanigaki, Inkarmat and the baby?

Just because they aren’t okay with being used as a pawns like he is? Just because they want to have the ordinary happy life Tsukishima was denied? Or it’s because in this way it won’t come out Koito let them go?

I don’t know but I can’t say I like what Tsukishima is doing. He could turn the other way to save three lives, he could turn the other way as he does each time Tsurumi commits a crime and instead he decided to stick with Tsurumi against three people who, apparently, can’t really do Tsurumi harm. I’m really sad he chose to be that way.

On another note there’s something I wanted to remark in the past chapter but forgot about it so I’ll mention it here. I love how Noda handles Inkarmat’s pregnancy.

In many cases in manga a pregnant woman is often moving around like a not-pregnant woman, using her protruding belly like a hand rest and maybe being a little slow and fatigued but overall acting as she usually do.

Inkarmat moves exactly like a pregnant woman instead, not using her belly as a hand rest but protecting and holding it with her hands, taking it into consideration when she moves around and even when she’s in a seating position she clearly have to adjust it to make it comfortable for herself now that she’s in her 9th month. Noda really did his homework with her.

Anyway with this chapter we end volume 23, with Tanigaki coming back to Huci without Asirpa and with a woman about to give birth and a Tsukinator tailing after them in a situation that really sounds like it will become a déjà vu of volume 5.

Ogata back then didn’t want to shoot Tanigaki in Huci’s house so as not to have to kill her too and ended up allowing Tanigaki to get an advantage over him. We’ll see what the Tsukinator will do… and we’ll see what Tanigaki will do now as well, so as to ensure Inkarmat, his kid and Huci (as well as Sakamoto and O-gin’s baby) will get out of this safely.

Hopefully maybe, being back on the mountains will give him back his planning ability.

Using the horse to lead Tsukishima in the wrong direction wasn’t a bad idea even if the course he took afterward became then far too predictable. On a sidenote… in that circumstance Nikaido was there as well and Tsukishima watched as Tsurumi cut his ear. I do wonder… was Nikaido still at the hospital? Does he know what’s going on? Will he join them? And with whom he’ll side?

Tanigaki who caused him to be attacked by a bear or Tsukishima who stood by as Tsurumi cut his ear and would have let the latter kill him without blinking?

It would really be interesting to have Nikaido join the party with a ‘personal’ position instead than just the one of the soldier who has to obey to Tsurumi’s orders.

As the tiger curse said they’re supposed to live an unhappy life, unless I’m misinterpreting something, the curse won’t attempt to their lives, just at making them miserable. Still, we’ll see. I don’t want Inkarmat, the baby and Huci to die but I get this could be appropriate karmic retribution for Tanigaki. We’ll see.

In a way, while the previous chapter pushed forward a comparison between Tanigaki’s escape plan (or lack thereoff) and Ogata’s escape plan, this chapter is all a comparison in strenght and endurance between Tsukishima and Tanigaki. They fight, they keep on going even when other men would just give up, with a desperation and a determination that makes me think of Kiro in his last moments and that might be done on purpose in case the tiger curse is looming on them.

Kiroranke is looking down on them from above, seeing them as they struggle like he did, seeing them, who in the past had a good relation, fight without mercy like Tanigaki did with him.

We’ll see how it’ll end for both of them but sure thing the irony in all this is big.

Last but not least a question that’s going to stay unanswered for now. Who between the Tsukinator, the killer rabbit of Caerbannog, the 6 million yen man  and Jasonmoto would win should they come to a hand-to-hand fight? We’ll probably discover this in the future.